Monday, October 31, 2005
Happy Halloween!
I hope you're all hallowing Ween right now. I know I am. Here are the collected poems of Bensaki.*
*abridged
Untitled #25, in which someone dies
--
Mechanically, she stabbed me with a pencil.
Pointedly, I asked "why?"
Coldly, she handed me an ice pack.
I froze.
Titled #26
--
The insect world is a boutique in miniature,
Spiders are tiny chandeliers-
I mean that literally.
(But they burn quickly so you shouldn't blink.)
Haiku #27
--
Haiku can be fun
Short and easy, bla bla bla
Lazy man's delight.
Corn Nuggets and Their Friends Have a Day at the Park #28
--
On the twenty-eighth day of the month,
Corn nuggets and their friends went to the park.
On the twenty-eighth day of the moth,
It flew into a bug zapper.
On the twenty-eighth day of the mot
ley Crue festival,
Everyone got sick of it and went home.
On the twenty-eighth day of the mo.,
Crn. Nugs. & Frnds. -> Prk.
On the twenty-eighth day of the m,
Many more moments - many more, man.
I hope you're all hallowing Ween right now. I know I am. Here are the collected poems of Bensaki.*
*abridged
Untitled #25, in which someone dies
--
Mechanically, she stabbed me with a pencil.
Pointedly, I asked "why?"
Coldly, she handed me an ice pack.
I froze.
Titled #26
--
The insect world is a boutique in miniature,
Spiders are tiny chandeliers-
I mean that literally.
(But they burn quickly so you shouldn't blink.)
Haiku #27
--
Haiku can be fun
Short and easy, bla bla bla
Lazy man's delight.
Corn Nuggets and Their Friends Have a Day at the Park #28
--
On the twenty-eighth day of the month,
Corn nuggets and their friends went to the park.
On the twenty-eighth day of the moth,
It flew into a bug zapper.
On the twenty-eighth day of the mot
ley Crue festival,
Everyone got sick of it and went home.
On the twenty-eighth day of the mo.,
Crn. Nugs. & Frnds. -> Prk.
On the twenty-eighth day of the m,
Many more moments - many more, man.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
i know where the summer goes
Since i just recently took the time to figure out how to upload pictures, and since my favorite season is waning, i decided to show you my favorite pictures of the splendid St. Olaf campus in its autumn glory. After this, i promise to try and get off the picture trip for a while. But for now, enjoy the sweet melancholy of the fall.
Since i just recently took the time to figure out how to upload pictures, and since my favorite season is waning, i decided to show you my favorite pictures of the splendid St. Olaf campus in its autumn glory. After this, i promise to try and get off the picture trip for a while. But for now, enjoy the sweet melancholy of the fall.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
I gotta get a new balm.
I haven't been able to leave comments lately, for some reason. If you're someone whose blog I usually read and you feel like I've been neglecting you lately, chances are I've tried to say at least 3 witty things to you but the comments haven't registered. So try this fun exercise: Pick one of your recent blog posts and an item from the following list, and pretend that I left it as a comment, then you can feign the appropriate emotional response with gestures and facial expressions to match.
Things Bensaki Probably Tried Saying to You:
-Yes.
-No.
-I agree with you, but [arbitrary point of contention that has little to do with the main point of your post].
-You're a dork, but I'm calling you a dork through the dorky medium of the internet, so that makes me question the very foundations of the universe practically.
-Bla bla silly word bla.
-A pox on both your mouses.
-You might think that now, but if you were a rabid dog, you would think "ARF RARF RARF BARF BLARF!"
-You/I have a [ridiculous noun] for a head.
-That was a pretty good insight, but the best inn sites are Park Place and Boardwalk.
-Have you ever vomited all your emotions onto your keyboard and it sounded like "BLOOOOOOG!"?
-You/I have a ridiculous noun for a head.
That should keep everyone sated until I can leave comments again, but if for some reason you are still unhappy, write me a request and I will send you a personalized comment via telepathy or, where applicable, telephony.
*EDIT: Isral gets an A+ for this exercise. Or maybe a check plus. I got a check plus on an exercise once, I think. Isn't Check Plus one of those cash advance places?
I haven't been able to leave comments lately, for some reason. If you're someone whose blog I usually read and you feel like I've been neglecting you lately, chances are I've tried to say at least 3 witty things to you but the comments haven't registered. So try this fun exercise: Pick one of your recent blog posts and an item from the following list, and pretend that I left it as a comment, then you can feign the appropriate emotional response with gestures and facial expressions to match.
Things Bensaki Probably Tried Saying to You:
-Yes.
-No.
-I agree with you, but [arbitrary point of contention that has little to do with the main point of your post].
-You're a dork, but I'm calling you a dork through the dorky medium of the internet, so that makes me question the very foundations of the universe practically.
-Bla bla silly word bla.
-A pox on both your mouses.
-You might think that now, but if you were a rabid dog, you would think "ARF RARF RARF BARF BLARF!"
-You/I have a [ridiculous noun] for a head.
-That was a pretty good insight, but the best inn sites are Park Place and Boardwalk.
-Have you ever vomited all your emotions onto your keyboard and it sounded like "BLOOOOOOG!"?
-You/I have a ridiculous noun for a head.
That should keep everyone sated until I can leave comments again, but if for some reason you are still unhappy, write me a request and I will send you a personalized comment via telepathy or, where applicable, telephony.
*EDIT: Isral gets an A+ for this exercise. Or maybe a check plus. I got a check plus on an exercise once, I think. Isn't Check Plus one of those cash advance places?
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Yeah, okay.
Some people like to use the term "tennis ball" to refer to a ball used in a game of tennis. Myself, I like to think of a "tennis ball" as a little round chunk of the abstract concept of tennis. Why? Mainly because I like to make things more difficult than they are. If someone asks me for a tennis ball, I give them a weird look and say, "You want a ball of aerobic exercise, weird European names, and wealthy hobbyists?" Then I give them one and quickly leave before I have to find out what sort of alarming things they were planning to do with it.
That reminds me, there used to be some outdoor tennis courts near one of our dorms, but now the fence and the nets are gone and the words "OPEN YOUR EYES" are painted on the court. I can't tell you how much this has changed my life. I was obviously living in some sort of tennis-filled fantasy world, blinded by my own stubborn ignorance to the fact everything I thought I knew about the universe was a lie. Obviously, tennis is The Matrix, and if we don't wake up to that truth, and soon, the world we love and all its vital racquet sports are in danger. I wonder what the people who wrote that were thinking.
I miss the days when I could just wander into the bookstore on my way back from somewhere, buy a cd that I'd never heard before, and end up loving it. Actually, that only happened once.
I figured out why people say "Happy New Year" instead of "Happy New Deer." It's because New Deer sounds like Nude Ear, and "Happy Nude Ear" makes no sense.
Some people like to use the term "tennis ball" to refer to a ball used in a game of tennis. Myself, I like to think of a "tennis ball" as a little round chunk of the abstract concept of tennis. Why? Mainly because I like to make things more difficult than they are. If someone asks me for a tennis ball, I give them a weird look and say, "You want a ball of aerobic exercise, weird European names, and wealthy hobbyists?" Then I give them one and quickly leave before I have to find out what sort of alarming things they were planning to do with it.
That reminds me, there used to be some outdoor tennis courts near one of our dorms, but now the fence and the nets are gone and the words "OPEN YOUR EYES" are painted on the court. I can't tell you how much this has changed my life. I was obviously living in some sort of tennis-filled fantasy world, blinded by my own stubborn ignorance to the fact everything I thought I knew about the universe was a lie. Obviously, tennis is The Matrix, and if we don't wake up to that truth, and soon, the world we love and all its vital racquet sports are in danger. I wonder what the people who wrote that were thinking.
I miss the days when I could just wander into the bookstore on my way back from somewhere, buy a cd that I'd never heard before, and end up loving it. Actually, that only happened once.
I figured out why people say "Happy New Year" instead of "Happy New Deer." It's because New Deer sounds like Nude Ear, and "Happy Nude Ear" makes no sense.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Early Morning Freak Up Show
I enthusiastically welcome the return of lindsay, fka liusia, to the blog world, as will anyone who recalls her former glory.
When something happens twice, it becomes an issue of concern, and when there is an issue of concern, I address it. In that spirit, there's something I have to say. This is the second time, or perhaps even the third, that another man has asked me, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" (obviously because of the inherent hilarity of a guy asking that question. O wellspring of laughter, will the fun never end?) Before some thoughtful individual decided to immortalize that sentiment in song, very few guys, if any, had ever thought to ask me such a question. Now it is as though their inner homewreckers have been freed to tart themselves about and be witty and brash. It's bloody scandalous is what it is.
Furthermore, there are logical fallacies aplenty in the question itself ("aplenty," as everyone knows, being the latin word for "two"). First, it makes unfounded assumptions about the relative temperatures of the asker and the girlfriend. Any old lukewarm or chilly individual could ask the question and give themselves all sorts of undue credit in hotness and heat. Then, at the same time, the unfortunate girlfriend is drained of her own hotness by the icy fingers of slander, if you will. Second, by using the glaringly un-politically-correct term "girlfriend" in place of the preferred "nonspecific entity of lovin'," the question adheres to traditional gender stereotypes and leaves the door open for every guy I run into to make the same delightfully gender-bending joke that they never consider cramming into their ear even though they should.
So take notice, would-be Clever Dans: I'm not having it. You know the saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true?" Well, only slightly less well-known is this: "Be careful what you ask other people if they don't wish for, they might punch your sorry brains into Bisquick."
Time to go crave some toast.
I enthusiastically welcome the return of lindsay, fka liusia, to the blog world, as will anyone who recalls her former glory.
When something happens twice, it becomes an issue of concern, and when there is an issue of concern, I address it. In that spirit, there's something I have to say. This is the second time, or perhaps even the third, that another man has asked me, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" (obviously because of the inherent hilarity of a guy asking that question. O wellspring of laughter, will the fun never end?) Before some thoughtful individual decided to immortalize that sentiment in song, very few guys, if any, had ever thought to ask me such a question. Now it is as though their inner homewreckers have been freed to tart themselves about and be witty and brash. It's bloody scandalous is what it is.
Furthermore, there are logical fallacies aplenty in the question itself ("aplenty," as everyone knows, being the latin word for "two"). First, it makes unfounded assumptions about the relative temperatures of the asker and the girlfriend. Any old lukewarm or chilly individual could ask the question and give themselves all sorts of undue credit in hotness and heat. Then, at the same time, the unfortunate girlfriend is drained of her own hotness by the icy fingers of slander, if you will. Second, by using the glaringly un-politically-correct term "girlfriend" in place of the preferred "nonspecific entity of lovin'," the question adheres to traditional gender stereotypes and leaves the door open for every guy I run into to make the same delightfully gender-bending joke that they never consider cramming into their ear even though they should.
So take notice, would-be Clever Dans: I'm not having it. You know the saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true?" Well, only slightly less well-known is this: "Be careful what you ask other people if they don't wish for, they might punch your sorry brains into Bisquick."
Time to go crave some toast.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Here's a fun fact that you might not know about me: Since there's no mirror in my room, sometimes before I go out I take a picture of myself with my digital camera just to see what I look like. Then I erase the picture. That's techno-age overkill for you. I have also, in the past, used my laptop computer as a pocketwatch.
