Monday, October 03, 2005
Early Morning Freak Up Show
I enthusiastically welcome the return of lindsay, fka liusia, to the blog world, as will anyone who recalls her former glory.
When something happens twice, it becomes an issue of concern, and when there is an issue of concern, I address it. In that spirit, there's something I have to say. This is the second time, or perhaps even the third, that another man has asked me, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" (obviously because of the inherent hilarity of a guy asking that question. O wellspring of laughter, will the fun never end?) Before some thoughtful individual decided to immortalize that sentiment in song, very few guys, if any, had ever thought to ask me such a question. Now it is as though their inner homewreckers have been freed to tart themselves about and be witty and brash. It's bloody scandalous is what it is.
Furthermore, there are logical fallacies aplenty in the question itself ("aplenty," as everyone knows, being the latin word for "two"). First, it makes unfounded assumptions about the relative temperatures of the asker and the girlfriend. Any old lukewarm or chilly individual could ask the question and give themselves all sorts of undue credit in hotness and heat. Then, at the same time, the unfortunate girlfriend is drained of her own hotness by the icy fingers of slander, if you will. Second, by using the glaringly un-politically-correct term "girlfriend" in place of the preferred "nonspecific entity of lovin'," the question adheres to traditional gender stereotypes and leaves the door open for every guy I run into to make the same delightfully gender-bending joke that they never consider cramming into their ear even though they should.
So take notice, would-be Clever Dans: I'm not having it. You know the saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true?" Well, only slightly less well-known is this: "Be careful what you ask other people if they don't wish for, they might punch your sorry brains into Bisquick."
Time to go crave some toast.
I enthusiastically welcome the return of lindsay, fka liusia, to the blog world, as will anyone who recalls her former glory.
When something happens twice, it becomes an issue of concern, and when there is an issue of concern, I address it. In that spirit, there's something I have to say. This is the second time, or perhaps even the third, that another man has asked me, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" (obviously because of the inherent hilarity of a guy asking that question. O wellspring of laughter, will the fun never end?) Before some thoughtful individual decided to immortalize that sentiment in song, very few guys, if any, had ever thought to ask me such a question. Now it is as though their inner homewreckers have been freed to tart themselves about and be witty and brash. It's bloody scandalous is what it is.
Furthermore, there are logical fallacies aplenty in the question itself ("aplenty," as everyone knows, being the latin word for "two"). First, it makes unfounded assumptions about the relative temperatures of the asker and the girlfriend. Any old lukewarm or chilly individual could ask the question and give themselves all sorts of undue credit in hotness and heat. Then, at the same time, the unfortunate girlfriend is drained of her own hotness by the icy fingers of slander, if you will. Second, by using the glaringly un-politically-correct term "girlfriend" in place of the preferred "nonspecific entity of lovin'," the question adheres to traditional gender stereotypes and leaves the door open for every guy I run into to make the same delightfully gender-bending joke that they never consider cramming into their ear even though they should.
So take notice, would-be Clever Dans: I'm not having it. You know the saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true?" Well, only slightly less well-known is this: "Be careful what you ask other people if they don't wish for, they might punch your sorry brains into Bisquick."
Time to go crave some toast.
