Thursday, August 25, 2005
a post
I think I may have just made a breakthrough discovery about why mathemeticians die so young. You see, they add up numbers all day, right? And every time you add up some numbers, you get a total. And Total has 100% of your daily value of 11 vitamins and minerals. So let's say you add up some numbers on five separate occasions during the course of one day. That's 500% of your daily value, so it's as though you've lived five whole days in that one 24-hour period. And most mathemeticians do lots more adding than that in a day. I'd figure out exactly how much adding, but I don't want to die.
I think I may have just made a breakthrough discovery about why mathemeticians die so young. You see, they add up numbers all day, right? And every time you add up some numbers, you get a total. And Total has 100% of your daily value of 11 vitamins and minerals. So let's say you add up some numbers on five separate occasions during the course of one day. That's 500% of your daily value, so it's as though you've lived five whole days in that one 24-hour period. And most mathemeticians do lots more adding than that in a day. I'd figure out exactly how much adding, but I don't want to die.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
A short demonstration on why Bensaki is a moron
Last wednesday's post contained the suggestion that I might wear a shirt that says "Breakfast." (In reality, I don't like to wear shirts that say things, but that's not the point.)
Two days later, Aug. 12, C.N. left a comment that said, among other things, "Lets hope you become the pied piper of all cannibals in your town." Upon reading this, I accused her of being any of several atrocious combinations of drunk and a hummingbird.
This morning at 11:45, I finally figured out what the deuce she meant by that.
Let's take a look at the statistics:
Amount of time it takes Bensaki to make a sarcastic remark about a joke he doesn't get: 3 hours and 20 minutes
vs.
Amount of time it takes Bensaki to get the joke: 2 days, 20 hours and 33 minutes
In the unlikely event that anyone be more lost than I (and to prove I got it finally) she meant that hopefully the cannibals would think I was breakfast and follow me out of town as though I were some type of pie-bedecked piper. I'm such a dweeb.
Ladies and gentlemen, a short demonstration.
Epilogue: Okay, but that still doesn't explain the first half of your comment, C. "hummingbirds have desirable silhouettes, that's why." What question were you answering with that? The word "why" doesn't even appear in that post. Bah, this one's going to bite me in the nose too, I can feel it.
Last wednesday's post contained the suggestion that I might wear a shirt that says "Breakfast." (In reality, I don't like to wear shirts that say things, but that's not the point.)
Two days later, Aug. 12, C.N. left a comment that said, among other things, "Lets hope you become the pied piper of all cannibals in your town." Upon reading this, I accused her of being any of several atrocious combinations of drunk and a hummingbird.
This morning at 11:45, I finally figured out what the deuce she meant by that.
Let's take a look at the statistics:
Amount of time it takes Bensaki to make a sarcastic remark about a joke he doesn't get: 3 hours and 20 minutes
vs.
Amount of time it takes Bensaki to get the joke: 2 days, 20 hours and 33 minutes
In the unlikely event that anyone be more lost than I (and to prove I got it finally) she meant that hopefully the cannibals would think I was breakfast and follow me out of town as though I were some type of pie-bedecked piper. I'm such a dweeb.
Ladies and gentlemen, a short demonstration.
Epilogue: Okay, but that still doesn't explain the first half of your comment, C. "hummingbirds have desirable silhouettes, that's why." What question were you answering with that? The word "why" doesn't even appear in that post. Bah, this one's going to bite me in the nose too, I can feel it.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Hummingbirds: What the Crap?
This post is aptly titled, because what the crap is with hummingbirds? I'm particularly mystified by hummingbird food. The stuff we feed hummingbirds is essentially Kool-Aid, and I know Kool-Aid doesn't occur in nature, so that's obviously not what hummingbirds normally eat. I think hummingbird food is the brainchild of some prankster scientists who were observing hummingbirds once and said to each other, "Hey, since these birds are all fluttery and cuckoo to begin with, what if we gave them straight-up sugar water and watched them freak out? It would be hilarious!" I'll bet there have been questionable, unpublished studies done with like cocaine or speed or some other formula that never found its way onto pet store shelves.
I asked a hummingbird what he thought about being the victim of the biggest scientific practical joke since Fancy Feast, and this is what he said: "Zippity whEEEEEEEEEE zonk bonk fonk boingidy boingidy boingidy EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo brrrrrrrrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrblblblblblblblb - ahem." *flutter* I asked another hummingbird and he said basically the same thing. In fact, it was a general consensus in the hummingbird community. There was one guy who said "Well, I'm counting calories, so BOOWAAAAA wing ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I just don't get into that sort of thing."
It was obvious that the situation was dire, so I decided to set up a charitable fund to help hummingbirds overcome their addiction. Unfortunately, it never got off the ground, because nobody wanted to sit still and listen to my proposal. I guess the best we can do to right the wrongs of the bird-hating scientific community, as responsible bird-feeders, is to start using Splenda.
That reminds me, I saw someone wearing a Coldplay shirt the other day. What's the point of that? I think there are something like four people in the world who don't like Coldplay. It's like wearing a shirt that says "Breakfast."
Actually, I think I might do that. I'd probably get all sorts of positive feedback. "Hey, alright, breakfast! I eat that too, man! Sweet!" I'd be the coolest guy in town for once.
Push Barman to Open Old Wounds.
This post is aptly titled, because what the crap is with hummingbirds? I'm particularly mystified by hummingbird food. The stuff we feed hummingbirds is essentially Kool-Aid, and I know Kool-Aid doesn't occur in nature, so that's obviously not what hummingbirds normally eat. I think hummingbird food is the brainchild of some prankster scientists who were observing hummingbirds once and said to each other, "Hey, since these birds are all fluttery and cuckoo to begin with, what if we gave them straight-up sugar water and watched them freak out? It would be hilarious!" I'll bet there have been questionable, unpublished studies done with like cocaine or speed or some other formula that never found its way onto pet store shelves.
I asked a hummingbird what he thought about being the victim of the biggest scientific practical joke since Fancy Feast, and this is what he said: "Zippity whEEEEEEEEEE zonk bonk fonk boingidy boingidy boingidy EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo brrrrrrrrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrblblblblblblblb - ahem." *flutter* I asked another hummingbird and he said basically the same thing. In fact, it was a general consensus in the hummingbird community. There was one guy who said "Well, I'm counting calories, so BOOWAAAAA wing ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I just don't get into that sort of thing."
It was obvious that the situation was dire, so I decided to set up a charitable fund to help hummingbirds overcome their addiction. Unfortunately, it never got off the ground, because nobody wanted to sit still and listen to my proposal. I guess the best we can do to right the wrongs of the bird-hating scientific community, as responsible bird-feeders, is to start using Splenda.
That reminds me, I saw someone wearing a Coldplay shirt the other day. What's the point of that? I think there are something like four people in the world who don't like Coldplay. It's like wearing a shirt that says "Breakfast."
Actually, I think I might do that. I'd probably get all sorts of positive feedback. "Hey, alright, breakfast! I eat that too, man! Sweet!" I'd be the coolest guy in town for once.
Push Barman to Open Old Wounds.
