Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Hummingbirds: What the Crap?
This post is aptly titled, because what the crap is with hummingbirds? I'm particularly mystified by hummingbird food. The stuff we feed hummingbirds is essentially Kool-Aid, and I know Kool-Aid doesn't occur in nature, so that's obviously not what hummingbirds normally eat. I think hummingbird food is the brainchild of some prankster scientists who were observing hummingbirds once and said to each other, "Hey, since these birds are all fluttery and cuckoo to begin with, what if we gave them straight-up sugar water and watched them freak out? It would be hilarious!" I'll bet there have been questionable, unpublished studies done with like cocaine or speed or some other formula that never found its way onto pet store shelves.
I asked a hummingbird what he thought about being the victim of the biggest scientific practical joke since Fancy Feast, and this is what he said: "Zippity whEEEEEEEEEE zonk bonk fonk boingidy boingidy boingidy EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo brrrrrrrrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrblblblblblblblb - ahem." *flutter* I asked another hummingbird and he said basically the same thing. In fact, it was a general consensus in the hummingbird community. There was one guy who said "Well, I'm counting calories, so BOOWAAAAA wing ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I just don't get into that sort of thing."
It was obvious that the situation was dire, so I decided to set up a charitable fund to help hummingbirds overcome their addiction. Unfortunately, it never got off the ground, because nobody wanted to sit still and listen to my proposal. I guess the best we can do to right the wrongs of the bird-hating scientific community, as responsible bird-feeders, is to start using Splenda.
That reminds me, I saw someone wearing a Coldplay shirt the other day. What's the point of that? I think there are something like four people in the world who don't like Coldplay. It's like wearing a shirt that says "Breakfast."
Actually, I think I might do that. I'd probably get all sorts of positive feedback. "Hey, alright, breakfast! I eat that too, man! Sweet!" I'd be the coolest guy in town for once.
Push Barman to Open Old Wounds.
This post is aptly titled, because what the crap is with hummingbirds? I'm particularly mystified by hummingbird food. The stuff we feed hummingbirds is essentially Kool-Aid, and I know Kool-Aid doesn't occur in nature, so that's obviously not what hummingbirds normally eat. I think hummingbird food is the brainchild of some prankster scientists who were observing hummingbirds once and said to each other, "Hey, since these birds are all fluttery and cuckoo to begin with, what if we gave them straight-up sugar water and watched them freak out? It would be hilarious!" I'll bet there have been questionable, unpublished studies done with like cocaine or speed or some other formula that never found its way onto pet store shelves.
I asked a hummingbird what he thought about being the victim of the biggest scientific practical joke since Fancy Feast, and this is what he said: "Zippity whEEEEEEEEEE zonk bonk fonk boingidy boingidy boingidy EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo EEEEE ooooo brrrrrrrrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrblblblblblblblb - ahem." *flutter* I asked another hummingbird and he said basically the same thing. In fact, it was a general consensus in the hummingbird community. There was one guy who said "Well, I'm counting calories, so BOOWAAAAA wing ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I just don't get into that sort of thing."
It was obvious that the situation was dire, so I decided to set up a charitable fund to help hummingbirds overcome their addiction. Unfortunately, it never got off the ground, because nobody wanted to sit still and listen to my proposal. I guess the best we can do to right the wrongs of the bird-hating scientific community, as responsible bird-feeders, is to start using Splenda.
That reminds me, I saw someone wearing a Coldplay shirt the other day. What's the point of that? I think there are something like four people in the world who don't like Coldplay. It's like wearing a shirt that says "Breakfast."
Actually, I think I might do that. I'd probably get all sorts of positive feedback. "Hey, alright, breakfast! I eat that too, man! Sweet!" I'd be the coolest guy in town for once.
Push Barman to Open Old Wounds.
