Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Hey, what happened to my rich uncle? You can't let the adventure end there, man! I either have to find the treasure or meet a terrible and unexpected fate! Jeez. If this were a real book, i wouldn't buy it.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
saki59: most of the people who are going to appleton are leaving monday, and i have tuesday classes
saki59: so if worse comes to worst, i'll just skip those classes and leave tomorrow
Lights0fHope: that sounds like the best coming to best to me
saki59: so if worse comes to worst, i'll just skip those classes and leave tomorrow
Lights0fHope: that sounds like the best coming to best to me
Friday, November 19, 2004
Freak up the day, freak up the night. I can't see any reason to put up a fight.
To end the month-longish streak of no humorous posts whatsoever, i'm reinstating an old feature of mine. I now introduce you to the Pre-Thanksgiving edition of "It Would Rule If..." My thinking is that if all this stuff comes true in the next week, i'll have that much more to be thankful for on Thursday.
It would rule if...
-mathemeticians calculated severe beatings using flogarithms.
-humans had retractable claws. Come on, you know you've always wanted to climb the drapes.
-everyone ended up really liking my new Thanksgiving treat made of giblets and licorice. I call it gibberish.
-revenue increased for the Thanks Receiving department.
-they made slippers less slippery and with more traction. We could call them tractors.
-those soft drink volcanos i always see on tv were real.
-chocolate and dirt switched places in the world. Then "a kid in a candy store" and "a pig in mud" would no longer be equivalent expressions.
-the Italian and Hungarian languages set up some kind of vowel/consonant exchange to even things out.
-i had a deep fryer the size of the Pillsbury Doughboy.
-humans had a race of symbiotic creatures who happened to think that all the crap we throw out is delicious.
-there were an entire pumpkin pie in my mouth right now. Oh, what a sweet way to suffocate.
To end the month-longish streak of no humorous posts whatsoever, i'm reinstating an old feature of mine. I now introduce you to the Pre-Thanksgiving edition of "It Would Rule If..." My thinking is that if all this stuff comes true in the next week, i'll have that much more to be thankful for on Thursday.
It would rule if...
-mathemeticians calculated severe beatings using flogarithms.
-humans had retractable claws. Come on, you know you've always wanted to climb the drapes.
-everyone ended up really liking my new Thanksgiving treat made of giblets and licorice. I call it gibberish.
-revenue increased for the Thanks Receiving department.
-they made slippers less slippery and with more traction. We could call them tractors.
-those soft drink volcanos i always see on tv were real.
-chocolate and dirt switched places in the world. Then "a kid in a candy store" and "a pig in mud" would no longer be equivalent expressions.
-the Italian and Hungarian languages set up some kind of vowel/consonant exchange to even things out.
-i had a deep fryer the size of the Pillsbury Doughboy.
-humans had a race of symbiotic creatures who happened to think that all the crap we throw out is delicious.
-there were an entire pumpkin pie in my mouth right now. Oh, what a sweet way to suffocate.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Okay, i'm ordering a cd online and i need another one so i can get free shipping. There are a few i've been thinking about wanting, but i can't make up my mind. I've decided to ask you, my readers, the following question: what is one cd you think is absolutely essential to own, that you would recommend to me or anyone without hesitation? Try and respect the "one cd" limit, but if you absolutely can't, i'll understand. Defend your choice if you want. We can get a good discussion going here.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
You're a girl, or maybe a wagon filled up with pancakes.
For some reason, when i tell people my name for the first time, many of them think i'm saying "Matt." What is it about the way i talk that makes it sound like that? Then, the more i repeat my actual name (and the more they respond "yeah, i heard you. Matt.") the stranger my voice sounds to me and the more unable i seem to be to speak correctly. I start feeling like my throat is all blocked up and i'm talking through a wall of phlegm. My vowels start to sound more nasal than the entire country of France getting indignant all at once. "Maybe my name really is Matt," i start to think. The next time anyone who reads this talks to me in person, could you clue me in on exactly what kind of weirdo i sound like? Thanks. This has happened more than five times by now.
For some reason, when i tell people my name for the first time, many of them think i'm saying "Matt." What is it about the way i talk that makes it sound like that? Then, the more i repeat my actual name (and the more they respond "yeah, i heard you. Matt.") the stranger my voice sounds to me and the more unable i seem to be to speak correctly. I start feeling like my throat is all blocked up and i'm talking through a wall of phlegm. My vowels start to sound more nasal than the entire country of France getting indignant all at once. "Maybe my name really is Matt," i start to think. The next time anyone who reads this talks to me in person, could you clue me in on exactly what kind of weirdo i sound like? Thanks. This has happened more than five times by now.
Someone needs to buy clogspot.com and turn it into a supersite for all things Netherlands. I nominate you. Go!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
I've got a squealing, a squealing cheap and fried, oh yeah.
Today i can't think of any good lies, so i'm going to tell the truth. Sorry for how embarrassingly boring that is.
My roommate is listening to some Gandhi-awful 16th century choral excretion that he hates and complains about daily, and i'm blaring Ween in my headphones to drown it out. How Ween can traverse so many genres and sounds in one album is beyond me; they are so beautiful at times, and so scary at others, and hilarious and fun at others. Hot dag. I guess it makes sense, considering all the drugs. If they'd had all those genres and drugs back in the 16th century, i bet my roommate would be happier and i wouldn't have to wear headphones.
I've developed a drug habit of my own lately, an embarrassingly nerdy and embarrassing habit i can't believe i even got into: checklists. I write out (insert vulgar adjective of choice) checklists of all the stuff i have to do today. I realize how intolerably responsible and anal this is, and i write "Commence self-loathing" as the next list entry. It's ridiculous how compelling it is to make the little checky mark after doing something. I'm turning into a goal-oriented person and it's scorching my innards. Disgusting. Somebody needs to bash me over the head with a video game.
My shoes smell bad and i hate a lot of things, among which are shoes that smell bad. The only other thing i can think of that i hate is whiny paragraphs. This paragraph is so whiny. I hate it.
Yesterday i wrote my first article for the school newspaper, a review of a faculty art exhibit that ruled. I hope i did it justice. I'd also like to do justice to the new Starflyer ep i got in the mail on friday, but i don't think i'd be able to. It was lots of fun to get a limited edition ep that's only available in the mail. It shows great promise for the upcoming album, which is one of the top two musical things i have to look forward to next year, the other being Mike Doughty's new album finally coming out. I've listened to live versions of his new songs so many times since last spring that his new album is already one of my favorites and it's not even done yet.
I wish Clare wasn't so busy, for her sake and mine, although she does make time to see me for at least a short while every day, which i love. I wish i was more articulate and could tell her how perfect she is and all the little things i appreciate about her. They always sound dorky when i think them so half the time i don't even try. How does anyone ever say how they feel or what they think? It's beyond me.
I'm an english major, too. I smell internal conflict in the future. Time to go write a checklist.
Today i can't think of any good lies, so i'm going to tell the truth. Sorry for how embarrassingly boring that is.
My roommate is listening to some Gandhi-awful 16th century choral excretion that he hates and complains about daily, and i'm blaring Ween in my headphones to drown it out. How Ween can traverse so many genres and sounds in one album is beyond me; they are so beautiful at times, and so scary at others, and hilarious and fun at others. Hot dag. I guess it makes sense, considering all the drugs. If they'd had all those genres and drugs back in the 16th century, i bet my roommate would be happier and i wouldn't have to wear headphones.
I've developed a drug habit of my own lately, an embarrassingly nerdy and embarrassing habit i can't believe i even got into: checklists. I write out (insert vulgar adjective of choice) checklists of all the stuff i have to do today. I realize how intolerably responsible and anal this is, and i write "Commence self-loathing" as the next list entry. It's ridiculous how compelling it is to make the little checky mark after doing something. I'm turning into a goal-oriented person and it's scorching my innards. Disgusting. Somebody needs to bash me over the head with a video game.
My shoes smell bad and i hate a lot of things, among which are shoes that smell bad. The only other thing i can think of that i hate is whiny paragraphs. This paragraph is so whiny. I hate it.
Yesterday i wrote my first article for the school newspaper, a review of a faculty art exhibit that ruled. I hope i did it justice. I'd also like to do justice to the new Starflyer ep i got in the mail on friday, but i don't think i'd be able to. It was lots of fun to get a limited edition ep that's only available in the mail. It shows great promise for the upcoming album, which is one of the top two musical things i have to look forward to next year, the other being Mike Doughty's new album finally coming out. I've listened to live versions of his new songs so many times since last spring that his new album is already one of my favorites and it's not even done yet.
I wish Clare wasn't so busy, for her sake and mine, although she does make time to see me for at least a short while every day, which i love. I wish i was more articulate and could tell her how perfect she is and all the little things i appreciate about her. They always sound dorky when i think them so half the time i don't even try. How does anyone ever say how they feel or what they think? It's beyond me.
I'm an english major, too. I smell internal conflict in the future. Time to go write a checklist.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Reek up your freak
Yesterday we ran out of vember. There's none left. There was an abundant supply about six months ago, in May, and we harnked it up like a fossil fuel since then, until yesterday when we plain ran out. Poor timing, too, since it doesn't start growing again until the first of December. Until then, we'll just have to live with this vemberless state we've put ourselves in.
In other news, todaybor day is election day. If you think about civic duty as though it's a class, i'm probably failing it. I mean, i showed up for the exam today, but i hadn't studied very hard, so i only recognized like three of the questions. Shame on me. And it was all multiple choice, too.
For Halloween i dressed up as a cardinal. The catholic sort, not the aviary. I wore the costume twice, and both times someone wanted to photograph me standing between two sexily costumed women. It's a pretty funny idea for a picture, really, but it might have the unfortunate side effect of making people think i have some inordinate degree of mojo. Which i don't, it was just the costume. Anyway, i had fun bestowing blessings on people left and right and being seen with my suspected mistress, Little Red Riding Hood. Halloween can be just as fun when you grow up, as long as you have the whimsy for it.
Yesterday we ran out of vember. There's none left. There was an abundant supply about six months ago, in May, and we harnked it up like a fossil fuel since then, until yesterday when we plain ran out. Poor timing, too, since it doesn't start growing again until the first of December. Until then, we'll just have to live with this vemberless state we've put ourselves in.
In other news, todaybor day is election day. If you think about civic duty as though it's a class, i'm probably failing it. I mean, i showed up for the exam today, but i hadn't studied very hard, so i only recognized like three of the questions. Shame on me. And it was all multiple choice, too.
For Halloween i dressed up as a cardinal. The catholic sort, not the aviary. I wore the costume twice, and both times someone wanted to photograph me standing between two sexily costumed women. It's a pretty funny idea for a picture, really, but it might have the unfortunate side effect of making people think i have some inordinate degree of mojo. Which i don't, it was just the costume. Anyway, i had fun bestowing blessings on people left and right and being seen with my suspected mistress, Little Red Riding Hood. Halloween can be just as fun when you grow up, as long as you have the whimsy for it.
