Friday, November 19, 2004
Freak up the day, freak up the night. I can't see any reason to put up a fight.
To end the month-longish streak of no humorous posts whatsoever, i'm reinstating an old feature of mine. I now introduce you to the Pre-Thanksgiving edition of "It Would Rule If..." My thinking is that if all this stuff comes true in the next week, i'll have that much more to be thankful for on Thursday.
It would rule if...
-mathemeticians calculated severe beatings using flogarithms.
-humans had retractable claws. Come on, you know you've always wanted to climb the drapes.
-everyone ended up really liking my new Thanksgiving treat made of giblets and licorice. I call it gibberish.
-revenue increased for the Thanks Receiving department.
-they made slippers less slippery and with more traction. We could call them tractors.
-those soft drink volcanos i always see on tv were real.
-chocolate and dirt switched places in the world. Then "a kid in a candy store" and "a pig in mud" would no longer be equivalent expressions.
-the Italian and Hungarian languages set up some kind of vowel/consonant exchange to even things out.
-i had a deep fryer the size of the Pillsbury Doughboy.
-humans had a race of symbiotic creatures who happened to think that all the crap we throw out is delicious.
-there were an entire pumpkin pie in my mouth right now. Oh, what a sweet way to suffocate.
To end the month-longish streak of no humorous posts whatsoever, i'm reinstating an old feature of mine. I now introduce you to the Pre-Thanksgiving edition of "It Would Rule If..." My thinking is that if all this stuff comes true in the next week, i'll have that much more to be thankful for on Thursday.
It would rule if...
-mathemeticians calculated severe beatings using flogarithms.
-humans had retractable claws. Come on, you know you've always wanted to climb the drapes.
-everyone ended up really liking my new Thanksgiving treat made of giblets and licorice. I call it gibberish.
-revenue increased for the Thanks Receiving department.
-they made slippers less slippery and with more traction. We could call them tractors.
-those soft drink volcanos i always see on tv were real.
-chocolate and dirt switched places in the world. Then "a kid in a candy store" and "a pig in mud" would no longer be equivalent expressions.
-the Italian and Hungarian languages set up some kind of vowel/consonant exchange to even things out.
-i had a deep fryer the size of the Pillsbury Doughboy.
-humans had a race of symbiotic creatures who happened to think that all the crap we throw out is delicious.
-there were an entire pumpkin pie in my mouth right now. Oh, what a sweet way to suffocate.
