Monday, September 12, 2005
I'm Freaking Up To Us
I've been trying to think of ways to make boring things more interesting. People are funny, but isn't it weird how nobody is funny in exactly the same way as someone else? And some people aren't funny at all. If someone claims to not be funny, they're either being modest or they're really not funny, and you hate to say "no, i'm sure you're funny" and then have it turn out that they were just telling the truth. If someone claims to be funny, they're also either lying or telling the truth. I think, actually, that's true for whenever people say anything, now that i think about it.
Okay, now there's an example. The last paragraph was pretty boring, so how could I have made it more interesting? It doesn't really matter, because i'm not going to go back and change it now. I could try and make this paragraph more interesting, but what's in it for me? This is a problem in my life, I think.
I like it when people say "We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher." I want to say that to people of other professions whenever I get the chance. Like "We want a banker, not a silly wanker." Or "We want a plumber, not a total bummer." There are probably all sorts of these. Let's see how many I can do.
You could say "We want a butcher, not an Ashton Kutcher." Like, you know, if your butcher is dating someone significantly older than himself. Or making poor role choices in movies maybe.
"We want a waiter, not a ancient Latin verb conjugator." I hate when that happens.
If you're sick of watching city coucil meetings degenerate into freestyle rap battles, there's "We want a mayor, not a dope rhymesayer."
If your favorite band has recently taken to throwing freshly baked muffins into the audience, to the detriment of their music, you can bust out "We want a rocker, not a Betty Crocker."
How about "We want an actor, not a benefactor"? (Truth be told, I'd much rather have a benefactor. Change that one to "sexy tractor," maybe.)
Finally, if a blogger you know writes nothing but stupid posts when he writes them at all, what do you do? Fill In The Blank, baby!
I've been trying to think of ways to make boring things more interesting. People are funny, but isn't it weird how nobody is funny in exactly the same way as someone else? And some people aren't funny at all. If someone claims to not be funny, they're either being modest or they're really not funny, and you hate to say "no, i'm sure you're funny" and then have it turn out that they were just telling the truth. If someone claims to be funny, they're also either lying or telling the truth. I think, actually, that's true for whenever people say anything, now that i think about it.
Okay, now there's an example. The last paragraph was pretty boring, so how could I have made it more interesting? It doesn't really matter, because i'm not going to go back and change it now. I could try and make this paragraph more interesting, but what's in it for me? This is a problem in my life, I think.
I like it when people say "We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher." I want to say that to people of other professions whenever I get the chance. Like "We want a banker, not a silly wanker." Or "We want a plumber, not a total bummer." There are probably all sorts of these. Let's see how many I can do.
You could say "We want a butcher, not an Ashton Kutcher." Like, you know, if your butcher is dating someone significantly older than himself. Or making poor role choices in movies maybe.
"We want a waiter, not a ancient Latin verb conjugator." I hate when that happens.
If you're sick of watching city coucil meetings degenerate into freestyle rap battles, there's "We want a mayor, not a dope rhymesayer."
If your favorite band has recently taken to throwing freshly baked muffins into the audience, to the detriment of their music, you can bust out "We want a rocker, not a Betty Crocker."
How about "We want an actor, not a benefactor"? (Truth be told, I'd much rather have a benefactor. Change that one to "sexy tractor," maybe.)
Finally, if a blogger you know writes nothing but stupid posts when he writes them at all, what do you do? Fill In The Blank, baby!
