Thursday, July 21, 2005
Freak me two times, I'm going away
I've always hated TV commercials, and the recent Dairy Queen commercials are some of the worst I've seen. Not only were they guilty of that unspeakably horrible "muffin the cat" piece (a thousand apologies for even reminding you of it), but the new one with the scientists and the killer bee gouges at the very thighbone of my soul as well.
My beef with this commercial is of a logical nature. First, the scientist with the magnified mouth (which helps the bee read his lips) tells the other that he has learned how to speak bee. One expects this type of unreality in the fantasy land of television. We are no strangers to the idea of TV characters speaking with animals. So I have no problem with this part. The trouble is with the next line, where the second scientist asks what possible scientific purpose there could be to this discovery, only to be interrupted and stung to death by the bee.
Back it up a second. I know it's still just a fantasy scenario, but even a pretend scientist wouldn't say something like that. What scientific purpose could you serve by learning another animal's language? He's right, no way is the scientific community interested in studying the way animals communicate. Quit wasting valuable laboratory resources with your breakthroughs in interspecies dialogue. Stupid.
On a sort of related note, I'd like to hear a commercial like this sometime: "Come see why Tim's Subs are a cut above the rest! We almost always use only the freshest ingredients, except sometimes on especially slow Thursdays we let the meat sit out on the windowsill for a few hours before we use it. Plus, cats pee on our floor!"
Tomorrow (Friday) I'm going to Florida to spend the week with my fantastic girlfriend Clare, in case you happen to think of me next week and wonder where I am and whether I'm having the best week of my life. The answer to both questions will be "yes."
I've always hated TV commercials, and the recent Dairy Queen commercials are some of the worst I've seen. Not only were they guilty of that unspeakably horrible "muffin the cat" piece (a thousand apologies for even reminding you of it), but the new one with the scientists and the killer bee gouges at the very thighbone of my soul as well.
My beef with this commercial is of a logical nature. First, the scientist with the magnified mouth (which helps the bee read his lips) tells the other that he has learned how to speak bee. One expects this type of unreality in the fantasy land of television. We are no strangers to the idea of TV characters speaking with animals. So I have no problem with this part. The trouble is with the next line, where the second scientist asks what possible scientific purpose there could be to this discovery, only to be interrupted and stung to death by the bee.
Back it up a second. I know it's still just a fantasy scenario, but even a pretend scientist wouldn't say something like that. What scientific purpose could you serve by learning another animal's language? He's right, no way is the scientific community interested in studying the way animals communicate. Quit wasting valuable laboratory resources with your breakthroughs in interspecies dialogue. Stupid.
On a sort of related note, I'd like to hear a commercial like this sometime: "Come see why Tim's Subs are a cut above the rest! We almost always use only the freshest ingredients, except sometimes on especially slow Thursdays we let the meat sit out on the windowsill for a few hours before we use it. Plus, cats pee on our floor!"
Tomorrow (Friday) I'm going to Florida to spend the week with my fantastic girlfriend Clare, in case you happen to think of me next week and wonder where I am and whether I'm having the best week of my life. The answer to both questions will be "yes."
