Thursday, December 09, 2004
Antique up your day
Okay look, butt-faces. I'm not going to give you a list of funny-sounding foreign names. I was never planning on it, and your insinuations that i would do something like that are both insulting and embarrassingly accurate. Therefore, i choose to spite you and your lowbrow senses of humor by denying you any funny-sounding names. You'll just have to go to lowestcommondenominator.com and find them yourselves.
Now permit me to ramble about something: Egg nog, which has to be the best nog i've ever tasted. Don't be suckered in by the proponents of paint nog. That stuff just doesn't sit well with anyone's digestive system, i don't care what they say. Some people don't like eggs, or at least that's what i've heard. Whatever, i say to them. The last thing we need is a bunch of people running around with their distaste for eggs hanging out. Keep it to yourself and drink the egg nog for the good of your country and mankind.
Oh, well never mind about the rambling, i guess. My train of thought was just interrupted by some clown playing Dashboard Confessional across the hall. The concept of the Dashboard Confessional, as you know, sprung from the traditional practice of cabbies and other drivers who would glue statues of Jesus or the virgin Mary on their dashboard. Over the years, this practice developped and expanded to include other elements of the Catholic mass, such as the console altar, the incense ball hanging from the rearview mirror, and eventually the Dashboard Confessional. In other cultures, this band is known alternately as Dashboard Meditation, Dashboard Mecca, and Dashboard Buddhaland. They were considering marketing it to the Amish community as Horse's Butt Confessional, but they were saved from this ill-advised scheme when they remembered that the Amish don't have any devices for listening to recorded music anyway.
So there you go. I didn't give you any funny-sounding foreign names, but i did make fun of the Amish, and i'd say that's on about the same level.
Okay look, butt-faces. I'm not going to give you a list of funny-sounding foreign names. I was never planning on it, and your insinuations that i would do something like that are both insulting and embarrassingly accurate. Therefore, i choose to spite you and your lowbrow senses of humor by denying you any funny-sounding names. You'll just have to go to lowestcommondenominator.com and find them yourselves.
Now permit me to ramble about something: Egg nog, which has to be the best nog i've ever tasted. Don't be suckered in by the proponents of paint nog. That stuff just doesn't sit well with anyone's digestive system, i don't care what they say. Some people don't like eggs, or at least that's what i've heard. Whatever, i say to them. The last thing we need is a bunch of people running around with their distaste for eggs hanging out. Keep it to yourself and drink the egg nog for the good of your country and mankind.
Oh, well never mind about the rambling, i guess. My train of thought was just interrupted by some clown playing Dashboard Confessional across the hall. The concept of the Dashboard Confessional, as you know, sprung from the traditional practice of cabbies and other drivers who would glue statues of Jesus or the virgin Mary on their dashboard. Over the years, this practice developped and expanded to include other elements of the Catholic mass, such as the console altar, the incense ball hanging from the rearview mirror, and eventually the Dashboard Confessional. In other cultures, this band is known alternately as Dashboard Meditation, Dashboard Mecca, and Dashboard Buddhaland. They were considering marketing it to the Amish community as Horse's Butt Confessional, but they were saved from this ill-advised scheme when they remembered that the Amish don't have any devices for listening to recorded music anyway.
So there you go. I didn't give you any funny-sounding foreign names, but i did make fun of the Amish, and i'd say that's on about the same level.
