Wednesday, September 08, 2004
note: the below post, as bloke so dutifully explained, was written yesterday, september 7, the designated Freaksday, but i was unable to publish it due to some emotional crisis Blogger.com was having. i apologize to everyone, but i want it known that i really did write a post on the day i promised to. thanks.
It's Freaksmas in Julember!?
Welcome to the auspicious return of Freak Up Your Day. (auspicious: Australian for suspicious) It's been a trying summer. You think it was hard for me to come up with all those things to write about last year? Forget about it! It was three times as hard to come up with all those things to not write about this summer. This is the easy part. Here, i'll prove it to you.
Start the writing process by clearing your brain of all the clutter that has accumulated there, like useless factoids, bad sitcom plots, and advertising slogans. To clear my brain of the clutter, i always use Swiffer. Stop cleaning, start Swiffering. The problem is, my brain becomes so clear after this that i forget the name of an old acquaintance that i will inevitably run into later in the episode, causing no end of awkwardness. I will try to squirm my way out of the situation by explaining that the average mind needs seven repetitions of a piece of information in order to remember it, whereas the acquaintance and i have only met five times, but this fact will prove useless. So then i write that all down in the preceding paragraph, and i am back at square one.
The next thing you do is look out your window. When i do this, i see intertwining regions of light and shade. I characterize them as such because i once took an introductory art class. I ponder for a moment, then begin to write about the different kinds of light i see. There is street light shining on the street. There is traffic light shining on the traffic. The neon light glows nobly, and the electrolyte burns refreshingly. On a front lawn down the road, several locals bask in the warm glow of the Coors light. After this, i write about the nuanced varieties of shade: the cool elm shade, the tacky lamp shade, the deadly nightshade, and the real slim shade. I wrap myself in a blanket which was crocheted.
And just like that, i have built a string of puns from nothing but a dusty wisp of thought which i swept from my brain and an enlightening glance from under my window shade. There's nothing to it.
I want to thank everyone who reads this and who expressed their happiness about my return. Your flattery has gone to my head, and my head is flatter for it. As a result, i have a handy new cup holder right atop my head, and for that i thank you.
p.s.: i have added a new link and updated a couple. "the grease is rising" is a blog belonging to the members of the former Appleton ska band Johnny Okay. I post on it occasionally, simply because i have spare handfuls of grease to add to the mix from running my hands through my hair several times a day. This blog will give you 750% of your recommended daily intake of polywanasaturated fat. Don't read it, for reals.
It's Freaksmas in Julember!?
Welcome to the auspicious return of Freak Up Your Day. (auspicious: Australian for suspicious) It's been a trying summer. You think it was hard for me to come up with all those things to write about last year? Forget about it! It was three times as hard to come up with all those things to not write about this summer. This is the easy part. Here, i'll prove it to you.
Start the writing process by clearing your brain of all the clutter that has accumulated there, like useless factoids, bad sitcom plots, and advertising slogans. To clear my brain of the clutter, i always use Swiffer. Stop cleaning, start Swiffering. The problem is, my brain becomes so clear after this that i forget the name of an old acquaintance that i will inevitably run into later in the episode, causing no end of awkwardness. I will try to squirm my way out of the situation by explaining that the average mind needs seven repetitions of a piece of information in order to remember it, whereas the acquaintance and i have only met five times, but this fact will prove useless. So then i write that all down in the preceding paragraph, and i am back at square one.
The next thing you do is look out your window. When i do this, i see intertwining regions of light and shade. I characterize them as such because i once took an introductory art class. I ponder for a moment, then begin to write about the different kinds of light i see. There is street light shining on the street. There is traffic light shining on the traffic. The neon light glows nobly, and the electrolyte burns refreshingly. On a front lawn down the road, several locals bask in the warm glow of the Coors light. After this, i write about the nuanced varieties of shade: the cool elm shade, the tacky lamp shade, the deadly nightshade, and the real slim shade. I wrap myself in a blanket which was crocheted.
And just like that, i have built a string of puns from nothing but a dusty wisp of thought which i swept from my brain and an enlightening glance from under my window shade. There's nothing to it.
I want to thank everyone who reads this and who expressed their happiness about my return. Your flattery has gone to my head, and my head is flatter for it. As a result, i have a handy new cup holder right atop my head, and for that i thank you.
p.s.: i have added a new link and updated a couple. "the grease is rising" is a blog belonging to the members of the former Appleton ska band Johnny Okay. I post on it occasionally, simply because i have spare handfuls of grease to add to the mix from running my hands through my hair several times a day. This blog will give you 750% of your recommended daily intake of polywanasaturated fat. Don't read it, for reals.
