Sunday, September 19, 2004
Look away, look away, look away... freaksieland?
Yeah, so i guess the store of 'freak' puns is diminishing faster than the world's petroleum supply. Call me a fossil fool if you must.
This is day two of Finding a Reason to Blog (raison d'blôgre?). It seemed before like I was a faucet, pouring out a constant stream of fictional vignettes and dumb jokes, containing a higher mineral concentration of puns than any other known source in the region. That has turned out to be the case. (note: insert the word 'not' into the previous sentence at whichever point you prefer.) A more apt metaphor for the day-freaking process would be the beloved coffee percolator, in which I function as the filter, or maybe the grounds. Um, I'm gonna say the grounds. That's tastier and more exciting than some boring white paper. Wait, no, I think the filter after all - it would be kind of a stretch to say I was imported from South America. Although I understand that certain areas in... wait, no, this is all wrong. Where the crap did my metaphor go?
Okay, new paragraph. Sorry. What I was basically trying to say is that I could make some crazy puns about pretty much anything, but the water supply (by which i mean subjects to write about) has to come from elsewhere in order for me to transform it into tasty brown coffee-style morning refreakshment. (refreakshment, noun: an ill-conceived, half-cocked attempt to incorporate the title of the blog into the word "refreshment." typical bensaki mistake.)
Where was the water coming from before? Good question. Let's why don't we beat the dead horse some more and see if we can figure out a way to try and carry on the metaphor way longer than we need to or is necessary, like this sentence. A long time ago, before the invention of lands far away, all the earth's water was held in plastic bottles in a large warehouse, guarded by the dinosaurs. After a couple days of existence, mankind (also known as "humankind," "the human race," "homo sapiens" or "viewers like you") was so thirsty it could die, and so mad it could spit, were it not for the dehydration. So it decided it needed to get rid of the dinosaurs. The top scientists of the day constructed several different theories explaining the disappearance of the dinosaurs, such as collision with a meteor, a global ice age, the South Beach diet, and kids these days with their "rap" and their "hip-hop." While all these were plausible theories, it turned out that they were all just theories and the dinosaurs were actually still there. Humankind was gently reminded of this by getting its collective arm bit off by a fierce tyrranosaur.
There was only one thing left to do: Humankind got out its boombox and played all sorts of 90's alternative and grunge music. The dinosaurs quickly became dissolute and unmotivated, and they drifted around purposelessly and lived at home well into their thirties until their parents kicked them out of the house and into the real world, where they all died. Humanity then raided the refrigerated warehouse and released all the water from the bottles into the wild, a process that has only in recent years begun to be reversed.
So i guess that doesn't really explain where I got my ideas last year, but it does fill my quota for another day. I'll figure out this blogging thing eventually. 'Twill be a long journey, but one we shall all embark upon together. I call shotgun.
Yeah, so i guess the store of 'freak' puns is diminishing faster than the world's petroleum supply. Call me a fossil fool if you must.
This is day two of Finding a Reason to Blog (raison d'blôgre?). It seemed before like I was a faucet, pouring out a constant stream of fictional vignettes and dumb jokes, containing a higher mineral concentration of puns than any other known source in the region. That has turned out to be the case. (note: insert the word 'not' into the previous sentence at whichever point you prefer.) A more apt metaphor for the day-freaking process would be the beloved coffee percolator, in which I function as the filter, or maybe the grounds. Um, I'm gonna say the grounds. That's tastier and more exciting than some boring white paper. Wait, no, I think the filter after all - it would be kind of a stretch to say I was imported from South America. Although I understand that certain areas in... wait, no, this is all wrong. Where the crap did my metaphor go?
Okay, new paragraph. Sorry. What I was basically trying to say is that I could make some crazy puns about pretty much anything, but the water supply (by which i mean subjects to write about) has to come from elsewhere in order for me to transform it into tasty brown coffee-style morning refreakshment. (refreakshment, noun: an ill-conceived, half-cocked attempt to incorporate the title of the blog into the word "refreshment." typical bensaki mistake.)
Where was the water coming from before? Good question. Let's why don't we beat the dead horse some more and see if we can figure out a way to try and carry on the metaphor way longer than we need to or is necessary, like this sentence. A long time ago, before the invention of lands far away, all the earth's water was held in plastic bottles in a large warehouse, guarded by the dinosaurs. After a couple days of existence, mankind (also known as "humankind," "the human race," "homo sapiens" or "viewers like you") was so thirsty it could die, and so mad it could spit, were it not for the dehydration. So it decided it needed to get rid of the dinosaurs. The top scientists of the day constructed several different theories explaining the disappearance of the dinosaurs, such as collision with a meteor, a global ice age, the South Beach diet, and kids these days with their "rap" and their "hip-hop." While all these were plausible theories, it turned out that they were all just theories and the dinosaurs were actually still there. Humankind was gently reminded of this by getting its collective arm bit off by a fierce tyrranosaur.
There was only one thing left to do: Humankind got out its boombox and played all sorts of 90's alternative and grunge music. The dinosaurs quickly became dissolute and unmotivated, and they drifted around purposelessly and lived at home well into their thirties until their parents kicked them out of the house and into the real world, where they all died. Humanity then raided the refrigerated warehouse and released all the water from the bottles into the wild, a process that has only in recent years begun to be reversed.
So i guess that doesn't really explain where I got my ideas last year, but it does fill my quota for another day. I'll figure out this blogging thing eventually. 'Twill be a long journey, but one we shall all embark upon together. I call shotgun.
