Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Freak up your Cinco de Mayo
Oh man, everybody. It's Cinco de Mayo. My favorite holiday ever. How much psycheder could i get? I mean, i'm making up superlative adjectives here! Oh man.
As you should already have predicted, we're going to delve into the bogus history of this fine holiday, courtesy of my ever-fabricating mind. Olé. Imagine with me a time when the population of Mexico was made up of a single wild turkey, and Cinco de Mayo was known as Uno de Turkey. Naturally, the turkey didn't have much fun playing Uno all by himself, so he set out one day in search of 2-7 other players. But near as he was to the Gulf of Mexico, all he could find were playas. While he was there, he decided he might as well sunbathe for a bit, but when he got up to leave, there was wet sand in his toes, dry sand in his feathers, and ampersand in his name, which he was never able to get out. After that, his contaminated name, Turk&ey, made everybody think he was some sort of novelty confection, and they all tried to eat him. (Because of this, he also gave birth to a more obscure holiday, Thanksgiving.)
Still in search of card buddies, Turk&ey stopped in at a local Hallmark shop. Everyone gave him warm greetings, but no one seemed interested in playing games. He went to the post office next, but the people there said cards were a thing of the past. "It's the post-card era around here." Finally, he found what he was looking for in a little out-of-the-way comedy club. The place was full of cards. The only problem was, they weren't that into Uno. Five-card poker was their game. But after searching for so long, Turk&ey was perfectly willing to compromise. And so the holiday's name was changed to Cinco de Mayo.
Now i know you were all expecting me to say that the naming had something to do with mayonnaise, but the fact is, that just isn't true. Mayo is actually just the Spanish word for May, according to the Fundamental Principle of English-to-Spanish translation: add an "o" to the end of the word. Come on, people.
Wow, i don't think i've ever used that many puns in a single post before. That's amazing. Feliz Cinco de Mayo, everybody.
Oh man, everybody. It's Cinco de Mayo. My favorite holiday ever. How much psycheder could i get? I mean, i'm making up superlative adjectives here! Oh man.
As you should already have predicted, we're going to delve into the bogus history of this fine holiday, courtesy of my ever-fabricating mind. Olé. Imagine with me a time when the population of Mexico was made up of a single wild turkey, and Cinco de Mayo was known as Uno de Turkey. Naturally, the turkey didn't have much fun playing Uno all by himself, so he set out one day in search of 2-7 other players. But near as he was to the Gulf of Mexico, all he could find were playas. While he was there, he decided he might as well sunbathe for a bit, but when he got up to leave, there was wet sand in his toes, dry sand in his feathers, and ampersand in his name, which he was never able to get out. After that, his contaminated name, Turk&ey, made everybody think he was some sort of novelty confection, and they all tried to eat him. (Because of this, he also gave birth to a more obscure holiday, Thanksgiving.)
Still in search of card buddies, Turk&ey stopped in at a local Hallmark shop. Everyone gave him warm greetings, but no one seemed interested in playing games. He went to the post office next, but the people there said cards were a thing of the past. "It's the post-card era around here." Finally, he found what he was looking for in a little out-of-the-way comedy club. The place was full of cards. The only problem was, they weren't that into Uno. Five-card poker was their game. But after searching for so long, Turk&ey was perfectly willing to compromise. And so the holiday's name was changed to Cinco de Mayo.
Now i know you were all expecting me to say that the naming had something to do with mayonnaise, but the fact is, that just isn't true. Mayo is actually just the Spanish word for May, according to the Fundamental Principle of English-to-Spanish translation: add an "o" to the end of the word. Come on, people.
Wow, i don't think i've ever used that many puns in a single post before. That's amazing. Feliz Cinco de Mayo, everybody.
