Tuesday, April 06, 2004
I'm England's greatest lyric
Right, so it's not my fault. It turns out a lot more depends on the weather than i used to think did. Like my state of mind, for example, or the quality/existence of these posts. If you'd like, i'll diagram the departure of ideas from my head as outside temperature rises. Actually, i'll do it anyway, without awaiting your approval, because if i don't write it down fast, it'll go the way of all my topics from the past few days.
Timeline of a nice day:
---------------------------
6:30 am: i'm sleeping snugly in bed, dreaming up incredible thoughts like "If there's biscuits and Triscuits, why not Quadriscuits?"
7ish am: the sun creeps through the window, pokes around in my ear and melts my thoughts slightly, until i'm wondering instead: "If there's bicycles and tricycles, why not... um... like, cars and stuff?"
8:00 am: i go to math class, my mind recovering slightly. i consider to myself, "Hmmm... math. If Uriah's wife had been named Mathsheba, David probably would have left her alone." This leads to thoughts about the Buddha's Noble Eightfold Math.
9:30 am: breakfast is over, and the food and warming air on the walk back start to distract me. "Food. Ha. Food rhymes with dude. If Uriah's wife had been a dude..." Yeah, okay, so that one was still funny. I'm doing alright.
10:45 am: time for my religion class. I try to avoid kings of Israel and their indiscretions for a while. Instead, I imagine how Jonah passed the time while he was in the fish's bellay. "He probably painted the Jonah Lisa." Yikes. Like Jonah, all i can think about is getting outside.
lunchtime-ish: i eat lunch, punctually. By this point, it's not looking so good. I'm saying things like "Is broccoli an adverb?" and "Cafeteria, ha... that's... there's... there's probably some suffix pun i could make about that word. Ha. That'd be hilarious." No fear, though. I've still got a philosophy class, and if that can't stimulate thought, i don't know what can.
12:55 pm: I test my theory, staying wisely away from firelit caves made of Play-doh. But it doesn't work. All i can think is that i'm glad my name isn't Phil, or Sophie for that matter. I start to lose hope.
2:30 pm: I sit down to write a hilarious post, but instead crank out some garbage one-liner or procrastinate until 11:30 or so. I ditch, and run around outside for the next seven hours.
9:30 pm: "Is coffee an adjective?"
10:30 pm: i take a shower to cleanse myself of the physical and mental grime that's accumulated over the course of the day. "If Uriah's wife had been named Showersheba..." I cut my head off. Twice.
---------------------------
So that's what's been happening the past couple however long i've sucked. Hopefully this is some legitimate excuse. I'll try harder, i swear. Heaven help us when actual summer gets here.
Right, so it's not my fault. It turns out a lot more depends on the weather than i used to think did. Like my state of mind, for example, or the quality/existence of these posts. If you'd like, i'll diagram the departure of ideas from my head as outside temperature rises. Actually, i'll do it anyway, without awaiting your approval, because if i don't write it down fast, it'll go the way of all my topics from the past few days.
Timeline of a nice day:
---------------------------
6:30 am: i'm sleeping snugly in bed, dreaming up incredible thoughts like "If there's biscuits and Triscuits, why not Quadriscuits?"
7ish am: the sun creeps through the window, pokes around in my ear and melts my thoughts slightly, until i'm wondering instead: "If there's bicycles and tricycles, why not... um... like, cars and stuff?"
8:00 am: i go to math class, my mind recovering slightly. i consider to myself, "Hmmm... math. If Uriah's wife had been named Mathsheba, David probably would have left her alone." This leads to thoughts about the Buddha's Noble Eightfold Math.
9:30 am: breakfast is over, and the food and warming air on the walk back start to distract me. "Food. Ha. Food rhymes with dude. If Uriah's wife had been a dude..." Yeah, okay, so that one was still funny. I'm doing alright.
10:45 am: time for my religion class. I try to avoid kings of Israel and their indiscretions for a while. Instead, I imagine how Jonah passed the time while he was in the fish's bellay. "He probably painted the Jonah Lisa." Yikes. Like Jonah, all i can think about is getting outside.
lunchtime-ish: i eat lunch, punctually. By this point, it's not looking so good. I'm saying things like "Is broccoli an adverb?" and "Cafeteria, ha... that's... there's... there's probably some suffix pun i could make about that word. Ha. That'd be hilarious." No fear, though. I've still got a philosophy class, and if that can't stimulate thought, i don't know what can.
12:55 pm: I test my theory, staying wisely away from firelit caves made of Play-doh. But it doesn't work. All i can think is that i'm glad my name isn't Phil, or Sophie for that matter. I start to lose hope.
2:30 pm: I sit down to write a hilarious post, but instead crank out some garbage one-liner or procrastinate until 11:30 or so. I ditch, and run around outside for the next seven hours.
9:30 pm: "Is coffee an adjective?"
10:30 pm: i take a shower to cleanse myself of the physical and mental grime that's accumulated over the course of the day. "If Uriah's wife had been named Showersheba..." I cut my head off. Twice.
---------------------------
So that's what's been happening the past couple however long i've sucked. Hopefully this is some legitimate excuse. I'll try harder, i swear. Heaven help us when actual summer gets here.
