Tuesday, April 27, 2004
free cup!
ben: no way, man. i can't tell them that story. they'd never believe it.
reggie: sure they would. it's perfect for this.. whatchacallit.. blorg. it was hilarious!
ben: it wasn't that hilarious. nobody would even laugh at it except for you. nobody did laugh when it happened except for you.
reggie: oh, come on! at least let me tell it if you're not going to. what else were you going to write about, anyway?
ben: you know... yams and yaks... my cat... oh, all right, i've got nothing. go ahead and tell it, if you must. but i'm leaving the room.
reggie: sweet. so this is what happened. the saki and i were on our way to the grocery store, when all of a sudden, we got there. but once we got there, the most ridiculous display of fundraising mayhem you ever saw was blocking the entrance. it was like the Knights of Columbus had declared war on the Salvation army and this was ground zero. we had to give up all our grocery money and promise them our next five paychecks just to get inside the store. luckily, it was free sample day, so we didn't really need any money. we were helping ourselves to some chocolate french fries, pickled bubble gum and deep-fried pizza tacos when we heard a distress call of distinct from the muffin mix aisle. bensaki got this really concerned look on his face, like he was about to puke or the apocalypse was coming or something. he took off running, and i jumped in a shopping cart filled with open containers of pudding and followed him as quickly and messily as i could. but by the time i got there it was too late.
ben: i think i'd better take over now. by the time reggie got there, it was too late. twelve grocery store employees, eight drug-sniffing dogs, three elderly customers, five youngerly customers, eight butt-sniffing dogs, a handful of magical ponies and the Electric Disco Fencepost had all fallen into lemon-poppyseed-muffin-induced trances. it was about the scariest thing i've ever seen. I think i even saw Timmy standing still.
reggie: isn't that the third time you've used that joke?
ben: yeah. anyway, reggie thought it would be funny to get all sorts of food from all over the store and dump it all over everybody since they were all frozen and wouldn't know what was going on. i told him it was a tired prank, but he said even so, he'd never done it before, and when i thought about it, i realized i hadn't either. so we went to town.
reggie: it was so cool... we divided everybody by food groups and enacted the wedding of the burger king and the dairy queen. i spent a good half hour weaving a veil from unravelled pieces of string cheese while bensaki was fashioning a tuxedo of raw ground chuck for the poor sap who was playing the groom. the members of the wedding party, including the dogs (who were pulling the dogsled to carry the couple off to their honeymoon in the exotic frozen foods aisle) were each dressed up in a different condiment, puréed vegetable, or ice cream topping. after the work was done, we sat back with a couple licorice whips to survey our masterpiece. and then - this is the part you won't believe -
ben: everybody started moving again. they had been faking it the whole time! it seems that, even though they were all covered with gross, sticky food, some of which hasn't completely washed out to this day, the joke was really on me and reggie. you see, reggie? i told you nobody would believe it.
reggie: yeah, it was kind of a dumb story, now that i think of it. but it's on your blog now! ha! i win i win i win! i made you look dumb.
ben: well, i'd try and do the same to you, but it looks like heredity beat me to it. oh snap!
reggie: ooh, ah hate that rabbit!
ben: no way, man. i can't tell them that story. they'd never believe it.
reggie: sure they would. it's perfect for this.. whatchacallit.. blorg. it was hilarious!
ben: it wasn't that hilarious. nobody would even laugh at it except for you. nobody did laugh when it happened except for you.
reggie: oh, come on! at least let me tell it if you're not going to. what else were you going to write about, anyway?
ben: you know... yams and yaks... my cat... oh, all right, i've got nothing. go ahead and tell it, if you must. but i'm leaving the room.
reggie: sweet. so this is what happened. the saki and i were on our way to the grocery store, when all of a sudden, we got there. but once we got there, the most ridiculous display of fundraising mayhem you ever saw was blocking the entrance. it was like the Knights of Columbus had declared war on the Salvation army and this was ground zero. we had to give up all our grocery money and promise them our next five paychecks just to get inside the store. luckily, it was free sample day, so we didn't really need any money. we were helping ourselves to some chocolate french fries, pickled bubble gum and deep-fried pizza tacos when we heard a distress call of distinct from the muffin mix aisle. bensaki got this really concerned look on his face, like he was about to puke or the apocalypse was coming or something. he took off running, and i jumped in a shopping cart filled with open containers of pudding and followed him as quickly and messily as i could. but by the time i got there it was too late.
ben: i think i'd better take over now. by the time reggie got there, it was too late. twelve grocery store employees, eight drug-sniffing dogs, three elderly customers, five youngerly customers, eight butt-sniffing dogs, a handful of magical ponies and the Electric Disco Fencepost had all fallen into lemon-poppyseed-muffin-induced trances. it was about the scariest thing i've ever seen. I think i even saw Timmy standing still.
reggie: isn't that the third time you've used that joke?
ben: yeah. anyway, reggie thought it would be funny to get all sorts of food from all over the store and dump it all over everybody since they were all frozen and wouldn't know what was going on. i told him it was a tired prank, but he said even so, he'd never done it before, and when i thought about it, i realized i hadn't either. so we went to town.
reggie: it was so cool... we divided everybody by food groups and enacted the wedding of the burger king and the dairy queen. i spent a good half hour weaving a veil from unravelled pieces of string cheese while bensaki was fashioning a tuxedo of raw ground chuck for the poor sap who was playing the groom. the members of the wedding party, including the dogs (who were pulling the dogsled to carry the couple off to their honeymoon in the exotic frozen foods aisle) were each dressed up in a different condiment, puréed vegetable, or ice cream topping. after the work was done, we sat back with a couple licorice whips to survey our masterpiece. and then - this is the part you won't believe -
ben: everybody started moving again. they had been faking it the whole time! it seems that, even though they were all covered with gross, sticky food, some of which hasn't completely washed out to this day, the joke was really on me and reggie. you see, reggie? i told you nobody would believe it.
reggie: yeah, it was kind of a dumb story, now that i think of it. but it's on your blog now! ha! i win i win i win! i made you look dumb.
ben: well, i'd try and do the same to you, but it looks like heredity beat me to it. oh snap!
reggie: ooh, ah hate that rabbit!
