Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Continued
Yes, now for the product that will change your life, if you're suffering from unwanted facial glare, etc.
Introducing Insta-Dull! One spray renders any surface grimy, unreflective, and sleep-inducingly boring! We've taken pure extracts of blather, prattle, yammer, and drone, stirred in a little essence of talk show, and poured the whole mixture in a blender with a full spectrum of gray carpet samples, and the result will knock your socks off! (in the least exciting way possible.) But don't take my word for it. Just take a look at the ending to some book I found, before and after I sprayed it with Insta-Dull:
Before: "In the last seconds of his life, Henri made one final grasp at the rope which hung, ravelling, from the roof of the burning skyscraper. Choking on the ashes of the world as he once knew it, he screamed his goodbyes into the blistering night air. So fell the last of the good men, and powerless, the world was swallowed in darkness forever."
After: "His pace slowing by several steps, Henri thought for the third time that day that his actions, if not his thoughts, on the fourth day following the last new moon had been questionable at best. Or perhaps questionable was not precisely the correct word, though on many occasions he had secretly thought that were he questioned, he may, barring such common distractions such the weather or a case of indigestion, be more than able to provide a perfectly reasonable defense for all, or part, of that which he had done on that day which, though seemingly inconsequential to those who had been present, was nonetheless bla bla bla..."
The results speak for themselves! Order now, if you're still awake, and you can receive this powerful dulling agent for all your glare/interest-reducing needs! But that's not all! Insta-Dull is also clinically proven to cure even the most severe cases of reimbursitis (inflammation of the paycheck). Order today and watch your days get duller and your wallet get smuller! Er, smaller. You know how it is with those slogans. They have to rhyme and all.
Yes, now for the product that will change your life, if you're suffering from unwanted facial glare, etc.
Introducing Insta-Dull! One spray renders any surface grimy, unreflective, and sleep-inducingly boring! We've taken pure extracts of blather, prattle, yammer, and drone, stirred in a little essence of talk show, and poured the whole mixture in a blender with a full spectrum of gray carpet samples, and the result will knock your socks off! (in the least exciting way possible.) But don't take my word for it. Just take a look at the ending to some book I found, before and after I sprayed it with Insta-Dull:
Before: "In the last seconds of his life, Henri made one final grasp at the rope which hung, ravelling, from the roof of the burning skyscraper. Choking on the ashes of the world as he once knew it, he screamed his goodbyes into the blistering night air. So fell the last of the good men, and powerless, the world was swallowed in darkness forever."
After: "His pace slowing by several steps, Henri thought for the third time that day that his actions, if not his thoughts, on the fourth day following the last new moon had been questionable at best. Or perhaps questionable was not precisely the correct word, though on many occasions he had secretly thought that were he questioned, he may, barring such common distractions such the weather or a case of indigestion, be more than able to provide a perfectly reasonable defense for all, or part, of that which he had done on that day which, though seemingly inconsequential to those who had been present, was nonetheless bla bla bla..."
The results speak for themselves! Order now, if you're still awake, and you can receive this powerful dulling agent for all your glare/interest-reducing needs! But that's not all! Insta-Dull is also clinically proven to cure even the most severe cases of reimbursitis (inflammation of the paycheck). Order today and watch your days get duller and your wallet get smuller! Er, smaller. You know how it is with those slogans. They have to rhyme and all.
