Thursday, November 13, 2003
Things I Wouldn't Do With Five Thousand Dollars
1. Stuff it up my nose.
2. Name it Sally and talk to it all day.
3. Papier-mâché.
4. Bribe the army to bomb my house.
5. Upgrade all the horseflies, dragonflies, and fruit flies to horses, dragons, and fruit.
6. Make a mashed potato volcano that erupted gravy. (no, wait... i totally would do that... that would be awesome.)
7. Give it to a guy who said "Give me five thousand dollars or I won't shoot you."
8. Give myself an all-expenses-paid trip to the record store to buy like three cds, then go home broke.
9. Get it all changed into quarters, then buy every gumball in the machine until i finally won... a free gumball.
10. Donate it to our nation's carp.
11. Transfer it from bank account to bank account around the world, like a boring game of unnecessary international financial ping-pong.
12. Choke on a chocolate chicken.
13. Finance the career of an up-and-coming canine actor.
14. Devote 15 minutes of my life to writing a list about it.
1. Stuff it up my nose.
2. Name it Sally and talk to it all day.
3. Papier-mâché.
4. Bribe the army to bomb my house.
5. Upgrade all the horseflies, dragonflies, and fruit flies to horses, dragons, and fruit.
6. Make a mashed potato volcano that erupted gravy. (no, wait... i totally would do that... that would be awesome.)
7. Give it to a guy who said "Give me five thousand dollars or I won't shoot you."
8. Give myself an all-expenses-paid trip to the record store to buy like three cds, then go home broke.
9. Get it all changed into quarters, then buy every gumball in the machine until i finally won... a free gumball.
10. Donate it to our nation's carp.
11. Transfer it from bank account to bank account around the world, like a boring game of unnecessary international financial ping-pong.
12. Choke on a chocolate chicken.
13. Finance the career of an up-and-coming canine actor.
14. Devote 15 minutes of my life to writing a list about it.
