Sunday, November 02, 2003
Pumpkins and iguanas eating toupées...
(i do believe the Wuz-Mutha knows what i'm talking about)
Today's post is top secret. You'd better not tell anyone you're reading it. In fact, what are you doing reading it? Stop. I have a lot to say to everyone that nobody must hear, and the only way to ensure that nobody finds out is to ensure that nobody reads this. Pass the word along to everyone you hear that nobody should read this post, and write down the address so that everyone can find it and not read it. Print out several copies and shred them. Dispose of the evidence somewhere nobody will suspect, like your front lawn. Memorize this post and then tape your mouth shut. Write down everything i'm telling you in invisible ink so you won't be able to read it later. Go and have a taco while you're at it. I don't want to tell you what to do or anything, but you absolutely must do everything i tell you. Don't tell a soul.
Now we have come to the secret part. If you have kept reading to this point, stop. Better yet, stop now. Better yet, have a brain surgeon remove the part of your brain that houses memory. Better yet, have a brain surgeon remove your entire brain and replace it with someone else's brain. Better yet, have him replace it with a duck's brain. Then, on your way out of the hospital, you will be yelling "Quack" every three seconds or so, to the great amusement/outrage of all the doctors. Have you done all of that? Good! Hold on, i mean bad! If you had really done all that you wouldn't still be reading. There's no hope, is there? Well, what can be done? People are just too curious to stop reading when they've been told there is some big secret up ahead. Okay, then. No secret. No jokes. No comedy. Just a lame end to a lame post. There. Hope you're happy. You could have done us all a big favor by giving yourself a duck brain, but no. You had to be selfish.
(i do believe the Wuz-Mutha knows what i'm talking about)
Today's post is top secret. You'd better not tell anyone you're reading it. In fact, what are you doing reading it? Stop. I have a lot to say to everyone that nobody must hear, and the only way to ensure that nobody finds out is to ensure that nobody reads this. Pass the word along to everyone you hear that nobody should read this post, and write down the address so that everyone can find it and not read it. Print out several copies and shred them. Dispose of the evidence somewhere nobody will suspect, like your front lawn. Memorize this post and then tape your mouth shut. Write down everything i'm telling you in invisible ink so you won't be able to read it later. Go and have a taco while you're at it. I don't want to tell you what to do or anything, but you absolutely must do everything i tell you. Don't tell a soul.
Now we have come to the secret part. If you have kept reading to this point, stop. Better yet, stop now. Better yet, have a brain surgeon remove the part of your brain that houses memory. Better yet, have a brain surgeon remove your entire brain and replace it with someone else's brain. Better yet, have him replace it with a duck's brain. Then, on your way out of the hospital, you will be yelling "Quack" every three seconds or so, to the great amusement/outrage of all the doctors. Have you done all of that? Good! Hold on, i mean bad! If you had really done all that you wouldn't still be reading. There's no hope, is there? Well, what can be done? People are just too curious to stop reading when they've been told there is some big secret up ahead. Okay, then. No secret. No jokes. No comedy. Just a lame end to a lame post. There. Hope you're happy. You could have done us all a big favor by giving yourself a duck brain, but no. You had to be selfish.
