Wednesday, November 05, 2003
If you freak me up, if you freak me up I never stop...
The problem with animals is that they don't know what they're doing.
I'll tell you what i mean. Take, for example, the gross incompetence of the Rottweiler i hired to write my post last June 28th (episode 27: EDV7YYYYX;OLJBN,.JVB). He didn't have a clue how to use a computer. All the koalas i've met have the same problem. Koalas: I could punch them. Also, try having a conversation about the Roman Empire sometime with an acquaintance of mine, who happens to be a fruit bat. Guy doesn't know what he's talking about, i swear. If those uninformed supersonic shrieks and mindless flutterings are what he calls "solid arguments," then i'm sorry, but i must have subscribed to the wrong school of thought - the one where conversations are made up of WORDS. Jeez.
And it's not just that: some of them act like they're such big stuff, too. Take this ant i saw the other day. He kept walking on my foot, as if my foot was his own personal scenic walkway. "Oh! You want to walk on my foot? Well, excuse me while i interrupt my life so you can mosey around on my appendage! What happens if i want to MOVE my foot? Like, i don't know, to WALK or something? Can't do that now, can i? No, i'll just wait here while you change your mind 26 times about which direction you want to go so i can finally walk away and fulfill my obligations to the rest of society. Take your time!"
If i had a dollar for every time a bird didn't say "hi" back to me, i'd have enough money to BUY all the fine feathered "friends" i wanted. And then i'd ignore THEM, just so they'd know how it felt.
And don't even get me started on dogs. They sit in people's yards like they're the Sacred Guardians of Somebody's Lawn, and it's like all of a sudden i'm the Antichrist because i set foot on the section of sidewalk that happens to border their Most Exalted Pooping Region. They start yelling and screaming as if anybody had the first clue as to what they were saying, and... like i said, don't get me started.
Some days i think electroshock therapy is the only solution.
The problem with animals is that they don't know what they're doing.
I'll tell you what i mean. Take, for example, the gross incompetence of the Rottweiler i hired to write my post last June 28th (episode 27: EDV7YYYYX;OLJBN,.JVB). He didn't have a clue how to use a computer. All the koalas i've met have the same problem. Koalas: I could punch them. Also, try having a conversation about the Roman Empire sometime with an acquaintance of mine, who happens to be a fruit bat. Guy doesn't know what he's talking about, i swear. If those uninformed supersonic shrieks and mindless flutterings are what he calls "solid arguments," then i'm sorry, but i must have subscribed to the wrong school of thought - the one where conversations are made up of WORDS. Jeez.
And it's not just that: some of them act like they're such big stuff, too. Take this ant i saw the other day. He kept walking on my foot, as if my foot was his own personal scenic walkway. "Oh! You want to walk on my foot? Well, excuse me while i interrupt my life so you can mosey around on my appendage! What happens if i want to MOVE my foot? Like, i don't know, to WALK or something? Can't do that now, can i? No, i'll just wait here while you change your mind 26 times about which direction you want to go so i can finally walk away and fulfill my obligations to the rest of society. Take your time!"
If i had a dollar for every time a bird didn't say "hi" back to me, i'd have enough money to BUY all the fine feathered "friends" i wanted. And then i'd ignore THEM, just so they'd know how it felt.
And don't even get me started on dogs. They sit in people's yards like they're the Sacred Guardians of Somebody's Lawn, and it's like all of a sudden i'm the Antichrist because i set foot on the section of sidewalk that happens to border their Most Exalted Pooping Region. They start yelling and screaming as if anybody had the first clue as to what they were saying, and... like i said, don't get me started.
Some days i think electroshock therapy is the only solution.
