Thursday, October 16, 2003
Lookin' for a lover who won't blow my cover.
(Today's title brought to you by The Eagles, winners of the Cheesiest Lyric Ever® award)
Victory is ours once again! My blogging friends (Isral, Anna, Carlene) and i have brand spanking new guestbooks, brought to you by somebody who isn't out to steal your very soul (as far as i can tell). And when i say "spanking," i mean literally spanking. These guestbooks will spank you when you sign them, and they will spank you even harder if you do not sign them. There is no escape for you. Is your butt red, raw, and perhaps bleeding? Well, it's going to be.
On a related note, mad props to Ryan for already having a guestbook like this on his site, which is what led me to get one. This guy knows what's going on.
Now it's time for the post. Wouldn't you say? I don't know, i mean, you tell me. This site's been up for like a month and a half now, so you should probably know by now when the proper time is to begin the post. I mean, it's your day i'm freaking up here. You know what you want. You're smart people, and you don't give in to flattery. Oh no. Not you. You're far too clever for such things. You demand freakage of the highest quality, and i, bensaki, am one of only an estimated 25 billion people who deliver that kind of quality. So why go anywhere else? Why even look anywhere else? Why even type the phrase "anywhere else"? This paragraph is going nowhere.
Maybe i'll start the actual post in this paragraph. Then again, maybe i'll spend it analyzing the mechanics of my posting, vacillating between aimless babblings and inconsequent details. Frankly, that sounds like a lot more fun. I could go on for pages. Or i could stop all this nonsense and get to the point already. What do say, faithful reader? I will take your advice and steer the pontoon boat that is this post in the direction you wish it to take. Then again, maybe i'll just ignore your imploring outcries and wrench the helm hard a'starboard, running us all aground on the shoals of pointlessness. You never know what i'll do! It's like one of those suspense movies, only without the excitement.
You know what else i could do? I could start an entirely new paragraph, tricking you into thinking i'd gotten somewhere, when in fact i am further from anything coherent than i was at the beginning. That would be fun. No, no, it wouldn't. Do you ever get the feeling i have no idea what i'm doing? I think it might be true. Then again, maybe this is all leading up to something...
bla bla bla...
...
bla bla bla...
...
bla bla bla...
...
*URGENT MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT, PROBABLY*
Bensaki®, former author of "Freak Up Your Day®," has been spun into a Web of Internal Conflict®, and the Spider of Uncertainty® has sucked out his organs. He is now Dead®. He will presently be replaced by several Vultures of Corporate Marketing®, as is the custom.
$$$$$$$$$ Welcome, fans of (name of site)! If you liked (name of site), be sure to check out (name of product), the official (product type) of (name of site)! (Name of product) is recommended by (number) out of (number+1) (professional expert)s! (Name of product) will greatly improve your (whatever)! Buy (name of product) today, and remember, (name of site) would have wanted it that way! But we own (name of site) now, and it's not coming back. So stop emailing us. $$$$$$$$$
(Today's title brought to you by The Eagles, winners of the Cheesiest Lyric Ever® award)
Victory is ours once again! My blogging friends (Isral, Anna, Carlene) and i have brand spanking new guestbooks, brought to you by somebody who isn't out to steal your very soul (as far as i can tell). And when i say "spanking," i mean literally spanking. These guestbooks will spank you when you sign them, and they will spank you even harder if you do not sign them. There is no escape for you. Is your butt red, raw, and perhaps bleeding? Well, it's going to be.
On a related note, mad props to Ryan for already having a guestbook like this on his site, which is what led me to get one. This guy knows what's going on.
Now it's time for the post. Wouldn't you say? I don't know, i mean, you tell me. This site's been up for like a month and a half now, so you should probably know by now when the proper time is to begin the post. I mean, it's your day i'm freaking up here. You know what you want. You're smart people, and you don't give in to flattery. Oh no. Not you. You're far too clever for such things. You demand freakage of the highest quality, and i, bensaki, am one of only an estimated 25 billion people who deliver that kind of quality. So why go anywhere else? Why even look anywhere else? Why even type the phrase "anywhere else"? This paragraph is going nowhere.
Maybe i'll start the actual post in this paragraph. Then again, maybe i'll spend it analyzing the mechanics of my posting, vacillating between aimless babblings and inconsequent details. Frankly, that sounds like a lot more fun. I could go on for pages. Or i could stop all this nonsense and get to the point already. What do say, faithful reader? I will take your advice and steer the pontoon boat that is this post in the direction you wish it to take. Then again, maybe i'll just ignore your imploring outcries and wrench the helm hard a'starboard, running us all aground on the shoals of pointlessness. You never know what i'll do! It's like one of those suspense movies, only without the excitement.
You know what else i could do? I could start an entirely new paragraph, tricking you into thinking i'd gotten somewhere, when in fact i am further from anything coherent than i was at the beginning. That would be fun. No, no, it wouldn't. Do you ever get the feeling i have no idea what i'm doing? I think it might be true. Then again, maybe this is all leading up to something...
bla bla bla...
...
bla bla bla...
...
bla bla bla...
...
*URGENT MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE IMPORTANT, PROBABLY*
Bensaki®, former author of "Freak Up Your Day®," has been spun into a Web of Internal Conflict®, and the Spider of Uncertainty® has sucked out his organs. He is now Dead®. He will presently be replaced by several Vultures of Corporate Marketing®, as is the custom.
$$$$$$$$$ Welcome, fans of (name of site)! If you liked (name of site), be sure to check out (name of product), the official (product type) of (name of site)! (Name of product) is recommended by (number) out of (number+1) (professional expert)s! (Name of product) will greatly improve your (whatever)! Buy (name of product) today, and remember, (name of site) would have wanted it that way! But we own (name of site) now, and it's not coming back. So stop emailing us. $$$$$$$$$
