Tuesday, October 21, 2003
And i said "What is that? But it was just potpourri.
Yes, my blog has been a bit low-key lately. And for that i apologize. You see, i was at home for fall break, and our computer at home is pretty slow/i wasn't all that motivated to sit in front of the computer when i was on vacation. But all that will be, say it with me, "rectified" today. How? I'm going to write the longest freaking post this blog has ever seen. It might not even be very good. But even if i end up having to type "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar" 50 times just to fill space, i'm going to write this post, darn it! Because your day deserves to be freaked up, and that's not just some cheesy slogan that came off the top of my head. It's a cheesy slogan that i more than likely stole from somewhere.
On to the post. I thought it might be fun to write a comparison/contrast essay, since they don't give me any homework here. I also thought it would be fun to chop off my leg and use it as a tennis racket, since i enjoy pain. So here goes:
YAAAAARRGGGHHH!!!!
and,
Celebrities or Dead Caterpillars: About Whom Do I Care More? an essay
Whereas myriad man-sized living eggs have come pleading to my doorstep, to redeem the fowl-born of refrigerated regions to freedom and hatchery, asking only of the wholesome and brave heart of the pure men to forge for their essay a ridiculously wordy introduction. That being said, a paragraph shall henceforth be dedicated to the merits of celebrities and of dead caterpillars, consummating in a dramatic decision at the thrilling finale of what is sure to be an overhyped essay.
At times i find much pleasure in the thought of celebrities. These times are as follows: When i am dead, when they send me money, never, and certainly not when they do trivial things like shop at a store or pick their noses or get engaged. The remainder of the time, the most herculean effort combined with the highest dosage of prescription drug and cranberry juice cannot produce interest in the thought of a celebrity. Toads are green and warty (see footnote). Furthermore, i want some ice cream.
Caterpillars, when dead, much more closely resemble very short sticks than animated yogurt monsters. I remember the day when i got my first elbow sock. In your average tree, there may or may not be several dead caterpillars. This depends largely on the weather and the daily wardrobe of a certain man named Bradley. Scientifically, dead caterpillars are much more llikeable and punctual than celebrities, but do not be easily swayed by the scientific facts. I still like pickles.
(This paragraph will be a short break from the essay, in which we will all get some cotton candy and soda pop and sing folk songs. It will be a lot of fun, and trout will fall from the sky.)
All things considered, if celebrities were available for purchase and use as doorstops, they could perhaps be considered more valuable than dead caterpillars, whose doorstopping capabilities are questionable at best. In real life, however, i could take a handful of dead caterpillars, a handful of popcorn, and a very attentive knowledge of which hand holds which, and then i could go down to the train station and have a jolly old time. Could i do that with celebrities? Well. I think we all know the answer to that. Being that we all know the answer, i will not insult your intelligence by stating the answer, which is "no, i couldn't." Dazzling conclusion goes here.
Need i say more? Very well, then. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar.
Yes, my blog has been a bit low-key lately. And for that i apologize. You see, i was at home for fall break, and our computer at home is pretty slow/i wasn't all that motivated to sit in front of the computer when i was on vacation. But all that will be, say it with me, "rectified" today. How? I'm going to write the longest freaking post this blog has ever seen. It might not even be very good. But even if i end up having to type "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar" 50 times just to fill space, i'm going to write this post, darn it! Because your day deserves to be freaked up, and that's not just some cheesy slogan that came off the top of my head. It's a cheesy slogan that i more than likely stole from somewhere.
On to the post. I thought it might be fun to write a comparison/contrast essay, since they don't give me any homework here. I also thought it would be fun to chop off my leg and use it as a tennis racket, since i enjoy pain. So here goes:
YAAAAARRGGGHHH!!!!
and,
Celebrities or Dead Caterpillars: About Whom Do I Care More? an essay
Whereas myriad man-sized living eggs have come pleading to my doorstep, to redeem the fowl-born of refrigerated regions to freedom and hatchery, asking only of the wholesome and brave heart of the pure men to forge for their essay a ridiculously wordy introduction. That being said, a paragraph shall henceforth be dedicated to the merits of celebrities and of dead caterpillars, consummating in a dramatic decision at the thrilling finale of what is sure to be an overhyped essay.
At times i find much pleasure in the thought of celebrities. These times are as follows: When i am dead, when they send me money, never, and certainly not when they do trivial things like shop at a store or pick their noses or get engaged. The remainder of the time, the most herculean effort combined with the highest dosage of prescription drug and cranberry juice cannot produce interest in the thought of a celebrity. Toads are green and warty (see footnote). Furthermore, i want some ice cream.
Caterpillars, when dead, much more closely resemble very short sticks than animated yogurt monsters. I remember the day when i got my first elbow sock. In your average tree, there may or may not be several dead caterpillars. This depends largely on the weather and the daily wardrobe of a certain man named Bradley. Scientifically, dead caterpillars are much more llikeable and punctual than celebrities, but do not be easily swayed by the scientific facts. I still like pickles.
(This paragraph will be a short break from the essay, in which we will all get some cotton candy and soda pop and sing folk songs. It will be a lot of fun, and trout will fall from the sky.)
All things considered, if celebrities were available for purchase and use as doorstops, they could perhaps be considered more valuable than dead caterpillars, whose doorstopping capabilities are questionable at best. In real life, however, i could take a handful of dead caterpillars, a handful of popcorn, and a very attentive knowledge of which hand holds which, and then i could go down to the train station and have a jolly old time. Could i do that with celebrities? Well. I think we all know the answer to that. Being that we all know the answer, i will not insult your intelligence by stating the answer, which is "no, i couldn't." Dazzling conclusion goes here.
Need i say more? Very well, then. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogmatic hedgehog-wielding lard burglar.
