Wednesday, September 03, 2003
When you get that freaked-up look in your eyes...
today's post owns the National Baseball League. you cannot reproduce a recording of a baseball game without the express written consent of this post. that's how much this post owns. seriously. i'm not gonna let you down like i did yesterday with that crap about nutmeg. man, what was i thinking? today's post is so much better... it's like, yesterday's post was a tadpole, and today's is a full-on frog, complete with bulging throat sac and upgraded croaking capabilities. this frog is maxed out, i'm telling you. it can jump three hundred feet without batting an eye. and i rigged it up some mechanical wings and a machine gun that shoots Corn-Nuts... this thing's gonna divebomb your entire town before you even see it. lock your doors. i'll tell you what, don't even bother locking your doors. it's not even worth it. these Corn-Nuts go so fast, it's like *bzzzzzzzz -- pting!* LOCK BROKEN!! no, you'd be better off running for your lives. better yet, driving for your lives. except NO! the frog's got you there too! it's got radar! plus a cell phone with a direct line to every cop in the state! that thing catches you speeding and you've got cops all over you so fast you'll be like, "whoa! that frog is menacing!" it's got you in every direction, so don't even try. crap, this is gonna rule.
today's post owns the National Baseball League. you cannot reproduce a recording of a baseball game without the express written consent of this post. that's how much this post owns. seriously. i'm not gonna let you down like i did yesterday with that crap about nutmeg. man, what was i thinking? today's post is so much better... it's like, yesterday's post was a tadpole, and today's is a full-on frog, complete with bulging throat sac and upgraded croaking capabilities. this frog is maxed out, i'm telling you. it can jump three hundred feet without batting an eye. and i rigged it up some mechanical wings and a machine gun that shoots Corn-Nuts... this thing's gonna divebomb your entire town before you even see it. lock your doors. i'll tell you what, don't even bother locking your doors. it's not even worth it. these Corn-Nuts go so fast, it's like *bzzzzzzzz -- pting!* LOCK BROKEN!! no, you'd be better off running for your lives. better yet, driving for your lives. except NO! the frog's got you there too! it's got radar! plus a cell phone with a direct line to every cop in the state! that thing catches you speeding and you've got cops all over you so fast you'll be like, "whoa! that frog is menacing!" it's got you in every direction, so don't even try. crap, this is gonna rule.
