Wednesday, September 10, 2003
"What if i froze to death?" "I can't discuss that, that's hypothetical hypothermia."
hello again. today's post is going to be a bit different. people are going to look at this blatantly different post and say, "whoa! what is this post doing among all these other blatantly different posts?" and then i'm going to say, "hold on a second. you've got it backwards. THIS post is blatantly different, not all the other posts." and then they will say, "oh, i think we know blatantly different when we see it." and then i will say, "trust me on this. i looked up 'blatant' in the dictionary just now, so i know what i'm talking about." and this will go on for a few short weeks until we all, in a selfless and humanitarian act, decice that maybe we should talk about something else for a while. which we will, over light snacks and a pizza or two, culminating in a declaration of our lifelong friendship, in which we will regard this whole episode as a silly misunderstanding, put it all behind us, and sing a few happy choruses of Carole King's "You've Got A Friend." After that, one of my newfound friends, whom i just found out is a very powerful, insistent, and homicidal businessman, will ask me to marry his daughter, and i will have to accept to save the friendship and my life, even though the girl is clearly not my type. she will be six feet tall, with dark eyes, brass knuckles, delusions of grandeur, and attitude. we will fight every day, until push comes to shove, and shove comes to smack on the head with an iron skillet. i will wake up in either heaven or McDonalds. and when i walk through the pearly gates (and/or golden arches) i will trace the recent events back to this very post, and in recognition of my idiocy for writing it, i will slap my hand against my forehead, where the bruise from my recent injury will still be throbbing. that will hurt.
all things considered, i hope no one will mind if i don't write today's post after all.
hello again. today's post is going to be a bit different. people are going to look at this blatantly different post and say, "whoa! what is this post doing among all these other blatantly different posts?" and then i'm going to say, "hold on a second. you've got it backwards. THIS post is blatantly different, not all the other posts." and then they will say, "oh, i think we know blatantly different when we see it." and then i will say, "trust me on this. i looked up 'blatant' in the dictionary just now, so i know what i'm talking about." and this will go on for a few short weeks until we all, in a selfless and humanitarian act, decice that maybe we should talk about something else for a while. which we will, over light snacks and a pizza or two, culminating in a declaration of our lifelong friendship, in which we will regard this whole episode as a silly misunderstanding, put it all behind us, and sing a few happy choruses of Carole King's "You've Got A Friend." After that, one of my newfound friends, whom i just found out is a very powerful, insistent, and homicidal businessman, will ask me to marry his daughter, and i will have to accept to save the friendship and my life, even though the girl is clearly not my type. she will be six feet tall, with dark eyes, brass knuckles, delusions of grandeur, and attitude. we will fight every day, until push comes to shove, and shove comes to smack on the head with an iron skillet. i will wake up in either heaven or McDonalds. and when i walk through the pearly gates (and/or golden arches) i will trace the recent events back to this very post, and in recognition of my idiocy for writing it, i will slap my hand against my forehead, where the bruise from my recent injury will still be throbbing. that will hurt.
all things considered, i hope no one will mind if i don't write today's post after all.
