Wednesday, September 24, 2003
We are the Music Makers, We are the Freakers of Days
So the window was open and a leaf blew in today. I could tell from the get-go that this thing had an attitude problem. I knew it from the way it looked at me, and from the snide rustlings that it made as it circled the room. "Oh," it seemed to say, "so you think you're too good for nature now, is that it? Oh, look at me, my name's Ben and I have to live in a nice cozy room with walls and a gold-plated dumpling maker because I'm AFRAID OF NATURE!!" Well, needless to say, I wasn't going to take that kind of crap from a leaf. I got out my Guaranteed Ancient Possibly Authentic Way Shiny Samurai Sword (a spoon) and brandished it like an experienced lifelong brandisher. That got him scared. His implied taunts became less frequent and more cowardly, even to the untrained ear. He sort of drifted off into the corner, and i knew i had him cornered. So i finished him off with one last psychological attack: i told him that if he kept up this baditude (baditude: a composite of the words "bad" and "attitude," may or may not be an incredibly dorky thing to say), i had every intention of ignoring my God-given ability to prevent forest fires. That stopped him dead in his tracks. He fell to the ground, as though his energy had suddenly left him, or someone had closed the window and stopped the wind from blowing him around. Maybe that was it. Well, either way, no leaves had better try messing with me again. Next time i'm getting out the Samurai Spork.
So the window was open and a leaf blew in today. I could tell from the get-go that this thing had an attitude problem. I knew it from the way it looked at me, and from the snide rustlings that it made as it circled the room. "Oh," it seemed to say, "so you think you're too good for nature now, is that it? Oh, look at me, my name's Ben and I have to live in a nice cozy room with walls and a gold-plated dumpling maker because I'm AFRAID OF NATURE!!" Well, needless to say, I wasn't going to take that kind of crap from a leaf. I got out my Guaranteed Ancient Possibly Authentic Way Shiny Samurai Sword (a spoon) and brandished it like an experienced lifelong brandisher. That got him scared. His implied taunts became less frequent and more cowardly, even to the untrained ear. He sort of drifted off into the corner, and i knew i had him cornered. So i finished him off with one last psychological attack: i told him that if he kept up this baditude (baditude: a composite of the words "bad" and "attitude," may or may not be an incredibly dorky thing to say), i had every intention of ignoring my God-given ability to prevent forest fires. That stopped him dead in his tracks. He fell to the ground, as though his energy had suddenly left him, or someone had closed the window and stopped the wind from blowing him around. Maybe that was it. Well, either way, no leaves had better try messing with me again. Next time i'm getting out the Samurai Spork.
