Monday, September 29, 2003
Today's Title Was Brought to You by Somebody Stupid
A special bonus feature has been included in today's post for the enjoyment of both you and me. If you stare at this post every day for six hours, in three months you will be unemployed, starving, in horrific pain, and possibly blind.
"But wait," you say. "You said this feature was included for the enjoyment of both you and me, and that doesn't sound enjoyable at all, does it?" Well, here's the bonus part: Don't stare at this post for six hours (in fact, don't stare at it at all), and none of that unpleasant stuff will happen to you! Isn't that great? And you have the added bonus of knowing you narrowly avoided starvation, discomfort, and almost certain dorkiness.
"On to the post, then!" you say. "Not so fast," i respond. "Don't you feel any appreciation for the help and rescue i've just provided? No, you demand a hilarious extra-day-freaking post as well as life-saving wisdom and advice! Well I, for one, never."
"Oh," you reply, blushing in shame and lowering your collective head. "We didn't realize the importance of the warning you gave us. Why, despite the insurmountable odds against any of us ever staring at this post six hours a day for three months, just think what would have happened if someone accidentally did! You don't have to write a post today. In fact, we'll send you millions of dollars and key lime pie to show our gratitude."
"Thank you," I say, my evil grin nearly concealed by the sincerity in my voice. "That will be just fine."
A special bonus feature has been included in today's post for the enjoyment of both you and me. If you stare at this post every day for six hours, in three months you will be unemployed, starving, in horrific pain, and possibly blind.
"But wait," you say. "You said this feature was included for the enjoyment of both you and me, and that doesn't sound enjoyable at all, does it?" Well, here's the bonus part: Don't stare at this post for six hours (in fact, don't stare at it at all), and none of that unpleasant stuff will happen to you! Isn't that great? And you have the added bonus of knowing you narrowly avoided starvation, discomfort, and almost certain dorkiness.
"On to the post, then!" you say. "Not so fast," i respond. "Don't you feel any appreciation for the help and rescue i've just provided? No, you demand a hilarious extra-day-freaking post as well as life-saving wisdom and advice! Well I, for one, never."
"Oh," you reply, blushing in shame and lowering your collective head. "We didn't realize the importance of the warning you gave us. Why, despite the insurmountable odds against any of us ever staring at this post six hours a day for three months, just think what would have happened if someone accidentally did! You don't have to write a post today. In fact, we'll send you millions of dollars and key lime pie to show our gratitude."
"Thank you," I say, my evil grin nearly concealed by the sincerity in my voice. "That will be just fine."
