Friday, September 12, 2003
As surely as I live, said he, you shall see no rain until my duck gets his laser gun back.
do you hear that? do you feel it? that rumbling in the distance? that, ladies and gentlemen, is the impending onslaught of THE GREATEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. it's coming, my friends. and it's coming TODAY. oh yes. do you remember that post about the frog? child's play. this post eats frogs as appetizers. then again, so do a lot of people. ok, better analogy. this post uses frogs as toothpicks. then again, frogs make pretty horrible toothpicks, so if this post continues to use them as toothpicks despite the obvious inefficiency of such an act, it would prove this post to be pretty irrational and thus not capable of being all that great. but no. on the contrary, not only is this post perfectly rational, it is educated, well-dressed, physically unmatched, undeniably great, humongous, barbaric, possessed of a brick-wall physique, and it uses frogs as freaking TOOTHPICKS. you know what i mean. i mean, if this post was a government official in the early babylonian empire, and you were a lesser government official, priest, or sheep farmer in the same early babylonian empire, you would pay this thing TRIBUTE. if this post was a toy soldier, it'd be the toy commander-in-chief. if this post was fruit, it'd be... like, a really big kind of fruit. if this post was an analogy, it'd be a whole crapload better than any of my analogies. that's for sure.
coincidentally, this post does demand tribute. tribute in the form of 75% of your sheep. it's got a calculator too, so don't even try to shortchange it on the sheep. and about the calculator: it's not a regular old calculator, or a scientific calculator, or a graphing calculator, or even a Hawaiian Punch brand Wacky Tropicalculator. this is the world's only Combination Sheep Tribute Calculator and Tactical Nuclear Device. and it knows where you live. crap, this is gonna rule.
do you hear that? do you feel it? that rumbling in the distance? that, ladies and gentlemen, is the impending onslaught of THE GREATEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. it's coming, my friends. and it's coming TODAY. oh yes. do you remember that post about the frog? child's play. this post eats frogs as appetizers. then again, so do a lot of people. ok, better analogy. this post uses frogs as toothpicks. then again, frogs make pretty horrible toothpicks, so if this post continues to use them as toothpicks despite the obvious inefficiency of such an act, it would prove this post to be pretty irrational and thus not capable of being all that great. but no. on the contrary, not only is this post perfectly rational, it is educated, well-dressed, physically unmatched, undeniably great, humongous, barbaric, possessed of a brick-wall physique, and it uses frogs as freaking TOOTHPICKS. you know what i mean. i mean, if this post was a government official in the early babylonian empire, and you were a lesser government official, priest, or sheep farmer in the same early babylonian empire, you would pay this thing TRIBUTE. if this post was a toy soldier, it'd be the toy commander-in-chief. if this post was fruit, it'd be... like, a really big kind of fruit. if this post was an analogy, it'd be a whole crapload better than any of my analogies. that's for sure.
coincidentally, this post does demand tribute. tribute in the form of 75% of your sheep. it's got a calculator too, so don't even try to shortchange it on the sheep. and about the calculator: it's not a regular old calculator, or a scientific calculator, or a graphing calculator, or even a Hawaiian Punch brand Wacky Tropicalculator. this is the world's only Combination Sheep Tribute Calculator and Tactical Nuclear Device. and it knows where you live. crap, this is gonna rule.
